Christmas Day

I try to sleep in a little but that doesn't work out very well. So I am up and it is early. Time to put on my happy face so I look in the mirror. I find a bowel in the kitchen, some white powdery stuff and water. Then I plaster my happy face on for the day and go into the living room to find cookies on the table. I think of how impossible it really is to loose weigh during the holidays.

Then we all wait. Wait some more. Well is Big Sis in Law and the kids coming for breakfast or not? They finally show up and we eat (My favorite part). I love the food. I take my happy pills and we open presents. I got two new shirts that look great on me from mom, a gift card for Best Buy, gloves, a hat, and some other cool things. I was over all thinking that every year my family seems to be getting better at this gift thing. I really liked everything. They all must know me a lot better this year. I love them!

Well, the house is a mess with the kids spilling food and wrapping paper everywhere but hubby and I had to abandon mom to go to Christmas at Big Sis house. This was her first year being host for Christmas and it was great to see Grandpa in his chef hat when we arrived. It put one gigantic smile on my face to see him in that hat. We gave hugs all around a chatted a bit then sat down at the table. I noticed we seemed to be missing an Aunt. Well, somehow her big brother (my dad) seemed to piss her off already. No idea how what he said to her over the phone could have been taken so very wrong but it was and it took her little boy begging and pleading for her to get her to show up. I am glad she changed her mind. Sometimes guys say things and they have no clue how it sounds coming out of their mouths. Oh well.

The food was great. I loved everything on the plate. All together it went well. Then we opened presents. That was fun. I got movies from dad, a candle from Big Sis, Starbucks gift card from lil sis, Starbucks coffee with $10 from Grandma, and a cute little stocking. I hope every one like what we gave them too.

For the most part Christmas was more about being with the family then about the presents. We all expected that everyone was broke this year and that is ok as long as we got to see each other. We're family. I played chess with Big Sis's Boyfriend after I got into a little tiff with my dad over food and health. He beat me as usual. I suck at chess. Hubby gave me a game to practice on the computer after that. Christmas Day is just the wrong time to talk about health, food and weight I was a bit bothered. Ultimately, Christmas went well I think. It could have gone horribly. My poor Big Sis was shaking the whole time in nervousness that something could go very wrong while she was host. I think it may have taken her a while to calm down after we all left. We did survive and had fun so I do hope in the end she was happy and pleased with the way things went.

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve

We slept in then wrapped presents until it was time to go to our Aunt's house. We had another aunt and Uncle staying with us for a few days. I don't know them very well but everyone I speak to about them has the same opinion and description: He is the largest man they have ever known, very smart but doesn't use it, rarely bathes, is basically a bump on a log sitting all day watching TV. He likes the military cannel and lives through what he watches then is bitter for not having what he wants in real life so no one really wants to talk to him. He is very ill and this may be his last Christmas. She is very shy and takes care of him to the best of her abilities. She wasn't always shy or fat but got that way after her mom died. Everyone said she was a knock out when she was younger and would be still if she could loose the weight.

I was nice to them. I had no reason not to be nice so I treated them like family because they are. They went to our other Aunt's house before us and then we got there and got some food. I liked the food. It was great. Big Sis in Law said she got a sick from it but I was fine and thankful for it. We did the Santa thing for the kids and then opened presents. My little red headed cousin took one look at the tree and how the presents just appeared and let out a loud high pitched squeal at the top of her little lungs, danced around and dove in saying "The reindeers liked the carrots and Santa ate the cookies!" I tell ya she ripped through those presents so fast. She had so many though so it still took a while. She would look at who it's from say thank you then tear in, squeal she really liked it, said "Oh! My God! I Love it!" for everything then toss it aside for the next one. When we said wait for the picture she instantly froze on the most adorable pose in the world with such a big smile then went right back to her presents after she heard the click.

My little nephew opened his first present (a Tonka truck) and just stayed there playing with it for the longest time just ignoring all his other presents. Mom put a smaller present in front of him and told him to open it. He just picked it up and put it on the back of his truck. It was so cute. He is only 2 soon to be three but his nine month old sis was tearing through her presents faster than he did. She didn't even understand all the excitement yet and was ripping off the paper anyway. We put a bow on her head and took a picture. It was great. Then we all got tired and went home.

The Dickens Fair

The next day on Saturday hubby and I went for a long drive to get the cleaner we put in the car through engine. It was nice.

Sunday all three of us sisters and older sis's boyfriend went to the Dickens Fair at the cow palace. I was thrilled when I heard I got to go! I didn't think I would get the chance this year and I really really wanted to go. I was so excited. That was one absolutely perfect day! As usual big sis wanted to dress me up. I didn't want to let her but I lost that argument. Later it got way way to hot to keep wearing though so I just had to take it off. I was sweating like a pig in that thing she put me in. Big sis looked really good. She was pretty in that dress. She was sucked in tight though and had on a troublesome petticoat. She was also to hot and wasn't very comfortable when she sat down. I thought it was a bit funny when she got in the car and it just flipped up so you couldn't see out the window. Her boyfriend was in a period piece suit and was a gentleman. Lil Sis was in red and green and she always looks cute in everything so all was well.

When we got there I thanked the boyfriend a bunch for the tickets, saw Fezziwigs and went straight for it. After the first dance I went back to the others to see if they'll join me. Big Sis was in a bad mood and was starting to be negative so I told the boyfriend to get her some lunch. We went to the food court and I saw an old friend who got my lunch for me, so nice. I asked if anyone would mind me going back to dance with my friend after lunch, they didn't mind so back to the dance floor I went. Big Sis was in a better mood after lunch but the floor was calling me and I couldn't resist. I tell ya I was so happy to be on that dance floor! I stayed there all day and even saw another old friend while there. I got to dance the Congress of Vienna Waltz three times! I just love that waltz! My absolute favorite. There were so many nice looking gentleman there that day who were all so polite and knew how to dance well. I even got to lead around a few ladies. I took off the costume thing part way in so I could breath and cool off a bit but I just couldn't get enough dancing in. We also played a few games in between dancing. At about five we all got together again to see the French Postcards show. It was good. We all liked it a lot. It was very artistic, had breasts showing, mostly naked people, and they were all different types of people too not just skinny but all types. It was really quite beautiful but also a good comedy. Then back to the dance floor until we sang "The Hallelujah Chorus" by Handles Messiah and a bunch of Christmas Carols. That was a great day.

Christmas In the Park and Time With Sis

So, the last few weeks have been busy I'd say. I didn't have one moment to stop and breathe let alone write in my blog. Let us go back to the Friday before Christmas the 22^nd of December. I worked that whole week and after work on Friday lil' Sis and I got a chance to hang out. I was so excited to be spending time with her that day. It had been a while since our last visit or chat, long over do. We went downtown to Christmas in the park. Neither of us have been there in a few years so it was nice to go again. There were a few different things this year. I first saw a glass blower demonstration which was cool. I'd never seen one before. He made a pumpkin. I really liked that. Sis wasn't as impressed but I liked it.

Next, we looked at some jewelry an old lady was happy to show us. She talked a lot and said she lost about 80 pounds doing this food addiction meetings like AA only for fat people to get together and talk about how they are all over eaters and hate it. Sounds stupid to me but I'm glad it worked for her.

Then we saw a bunch of guys holding up these signs that read "ASK ME WHY YOU'RE GOING TO HELL" "YOU ALL DESERVE TO BURN IN HELL" "YOU REALLY NEED TO BE SAVED, NO REALLY" And shit like that. Sam and I started laughing then she felt the need to tell them that they were giving Christians a bad name and misrepresenting their faith. She got into this nice long discussion with one of the guys and from what I here they sounded like idiots who were spoon fed this shit for their whole lives and never learned to think for themselves. I got into a small chat with one of the other guys and he was even more like an idiot who took everything so literally I just had to laugh at them.

We walked around the park and looked at the trees, found our old High School's tree and were not only impressed with what they put together this year but very proud. It spoke a great message of peace around the world. Excellent job Lincoln High! We looked at some of the others and they weren't nearly as good. We thought that the idiots with the signs should come over and read what was all around Lincoln's tree. We saw the train and all the displays, old ones and new ones. I got a bit distracted by this guy on one of the stages who was singing songs I knew. Oldies but goodies. I swear he is like the Latin version of Sis's ex boyfriend! I was impressed. Also, there was the nutcracker display that was our favorite until the hydraulics broke on the giant tree that was supposed to pop out of the present box at the end of the song.

We both wanted to go ice skating so we got in line for it and oh what a line it was. We were in that line for over an hour. By then we had to pee, were both hungry, and incredibly thirsty. Of course all the signs said there were no bathrooms, no in and out privileges, and no lockers. Well, now we know how they regulate the amount of time people spend on the ice. So we finally get in and they tell us we have to skate with our purse and everything on us and trade one of our shoes for the pair of skates. It is wet every ware on that ground as well as cold. I was so thankful I had two pairs of socks. Sis just hopped around til we got to a bench. I had a hell of a time putting those skates on and they hurt so bad. I tried to go around the rink once and just about… well it sucked. My blades were not at all sharp but that wasn't the worst of it. The ice had deep deep gashes and grooves all over it so there was no way to stay in a straight line, there was thick thick powder covering the entire arena, and I couldn't get two steps without getting stuck in the stuff. Sis said I should try hockey skates they are wider and may hurt less. So I switched and dear sis helped me tighten them, so sweet. I tried to go around again and well the blades were sharper so I did a bit better but the ice was still highly unkept and we really had to pee. We dallied around a little more and left. We made the best of it, stayed in a good mood and ultimately had fun anyway.

She took me to Starbucks and got me a drink I've not tried yet was a passion fruit tea lemonade thing. I liked it. Then we went home. I showed here the songs I wrote and she really liked them.

Mood changed again

My mood changed. I gave my hubby a hug and now I am calmer. I love hugs, I love my hubby! I wrote a few poems and songs but I don't think they are good enough to share yet. I am going to go back to work on my business stuff now.

One thing holding me back

Well, I am feeling a bit better today I guess. I am back on my meds and my bad mood was mostly PMS. Some days I think I am only good at eating, pissing, shitting, and sleeping. But I know better. I have three jobs now. 1 normal, 1 new business to start rollin', and 1 demo to try and get out there. I have a producer now. Cool huh? I wish I had more time to devote to singing at the studio though. My boss at the normal job apologized and understands my distress which is nice. I forgave him but still haven't got very much to pay bills with yet. That should change soon but it is tricky to get start up money for the business I'm starting with the two most brilliant men in my family.

You know it was mostly start up businesses that got us out of the Great Depression? Really, we are facing something very similar now and so many people are suffering for it but those that are fine are not willing to give loans to start up business that know exactly how to fix the problems we are all currently facing with foreclosures and banks going haywire. I tell you we have a really awesome system set up and all that is holding us back is the start up funds.

My poor mom is stuck in another state for Christmas and is not yet able to come back so we will all miss her. I would fly her here but there is no moola to do so. She sounds like she is going nuts there and there is no place for here to stay here either. We will miss her birthday too. It is right after Christmas.

I hope my dad gets whatever he needs while gone the next few weeks. I hope my siblings are happy this season. I guess I'm feeling a bit sappy right now. Oh, well.

Things would get 1000 times better for everyone if we could just get the loans we need for the company. Then we could make the money grow and give it back. Then get more loans, make the money grow, then give it back. Unless people just want us to keep making it grow until they want it back. It as all well thought out, researched, and ready to go. We just need money to make it work to begin with. Its been a few years in the making and many of the most successful business take this long to build such strong foundations. Dang it! This is the best time for a business like ours. If only we could get started. Everything else is ready to go. We only need start up money.

I feel:

Moody, Restless, Stressed, and Worried

No Time

I have so much to say bu no time to type it all out. I am so tired and need to work tomorow. I am seriously considering blowing the whole thing off and quitting. It is not like the company is serious about me anyway. In the last month I have been getting less than half time. I am supposed to be a full time employee but I am not being treated like one. I am feeling really sick. I think something may be wrong with me other than the usual. I can't sleep. I want to puke everything I eat, and I am worried because my period is late. I should not have told you that. I will try to go to bed now. Good night.