Big Tests

Well, it has been a week since I have started my diet and excersise thing and I tell you I am so very sore. I have been swimming everyday, I borrowed some weights from a friend, and i went shopping for better food. Today I walked for six miles. That is a little more than twice what I did last time I tried that trail. There was plenty of uphill on the hike with Hubby but when we got to the top we saw such a view! It was incredibly beautiful. I hope I dream that kind of beauty. I saw most of the Bay Area from up there about From San Jose to Fremont. I hear that on a very clear day you could even see the Golden Gate Bridge from that point. the clouds were perfect, the sunset, the dear, the birds, everything was just great. Of course I felt like dying when I got to the top. That was one hell of a climb! My muscles were very tired by then and I had a small problem with my left ligament but it went away shortly. Last time I fell apart after only a mile or so in. I couldn’t go on any further. My ligament wouldn’t let me. This time I am so amazed I got through six miles. I can certialy feel it though so at least I do believe I did do it.

Since I have cut out soda and other stuff like that I have been going through a caffine withdrawl so I’ve been getting headaches from that but mostly I feel great. I have been feeling stronger every day since I’ve started working out but also tired. The tired is because it takes more energy to burn fat from your body then elswhere like from food. Once my motabolism speeds up I will not feel as tired because my body will be used to what I am doing to it with this new work out and diet thing. I am also trying not to push myself too hard to keep from injuring myself. I know I still have a ways to go but I am working on it.

The test I am working so hard for is the physical test given to corrections officers and fire fighters and such. I have already taken the written and the psych test. Passed the first one, don’t know about the other yet. They don’t contact me unless I fail that one and so far the no news is good news. Nerve racking isn’t it? I believe making us jump though all these hoops is part of the process though, to see which of us stick around and keep a cool head while making us wait forever to know anything.

Whether it be a good or a bad thing I do know much about psych crap. What I am not sure they will realise is that I know for a fact that I am to a small degree nuts but I am also always in complete control of myself. One out of every three folks are bi-polar but I am not sure if those guys doing the evaluation know this. If they disqualify me because of that while approving others then their are many liers out there who didn’t mention that they are also. Most people who are bi-polar do go undiagnosed and never get the help they need in order to feel better. I am at least on the correct meds and am doing everything I can to minimize or get rid of the simptoms of my bi-polarness. I also have another advantage. From a very young age and for the better part of my life I have been taught and practice certian mental control techniques and come from a long line of those who succeed in doing the same. Thanks Dad. Our mind is a truly powerful thing but those psych people cannot know that about me from some stupid written test. I can see why it would be necessary though. do they even bother looking up myspace pages? If so, would they even catch this blog? Who knows, all I hope is that they meet me before passing any judgement on my internal thought proccesses. I know I can’t spell well, welcome to my generation of spoild with spell check and computers.



In my life I have been through much. No one could even imagine how it was for me because they were not there looking through my eyes but I can tell you those experiences have made me mature to the point that I associate better with older people, I understand the key to happiness even if it is not always so easy, I can keep a cool head when put in most set of circumstances. I have gifts and skills I have expanded upon and would like to make grow further. I have memories both good and bad to draw from for guidence. I have envisioned a future most would not obtain but I know I can achieve. I have made up my mind that I will succeed in anything I put my mind to. Much works against me for the position I have applied for with the state I know this, but I also know that much works for me and if given the chance I know for damned sure I can do that job and do it well. There is much I am good at and I also know what I am not so good at. They really should get to know me before they make their choice about wheather or not I can at least mentally do the job.

My Name

..>..>
M Mysterious
I Important
K Keen
I Insane

Reading Material

I just finished Sandworms of Dune the last book of the series. I think there may be two more other ones though, I'm not sure. I think there may be a Paul of Dune of something like that. Anyway, I really loved it as I love all the books in the Dune series. It had several endings but well worth it. I wish I had someone to talk about it all with although I don't really know what I'd say other than how awesome the whole thing was. I must admit I was a bit surprised by a few parts of it. That was pleasant.

Now I am in the middle of The Secret. I am learning how to think positive and get what I want out of life. I have a lot of hope that it works but I need to work more on the faith part of it. I know I'll get there though. I find it real tricky to stay positive when most of the people around me are so negative. I may say things that can be taken as negative but I always really meant them to be positive unless I am just clearly in a bad mood and just bitching, which I try real hard to keep a minimum to none.

I have many thoughts that go through my head when I read this book. Several times I am reminded of my youth when my dad said some of the same things to me or times when I used those methods without even knowing it. I smile when I read parts that sound as if it was written just for me. For some reason this book speaks to me even if that sound silly, but I'm going to try it and give it my all. Wish me luck I am changing my frequency to the light and brightest side of the force. And on this new frequency I will attract success.

Naughty and Stupid Sometimes

Well, let me tell you what has been up with me lately. My best friend came to visit from Tennessee and we got a chance to hang out and catch up again. We went out to Karaoke like we used to and had a great time. I also got a chance to catch up with another friend I haven't seen for a long time. That was great.

Since then I have been really nothing but sick without really getting better. I got on kind of sick and then another. I went to Lupie for Naughty Nightie Night and had a blast. I put on my purple fishnet body sock and danced until after I dropped. I completely over did it and got the flu. Well, it was stormy that night and we did stay in a cold Yurt. So I've been sick since then. The cool thing is I got a chance to pole dance for the first time ever and somehow for some reason I won second place! I won a free dinner but traded it for one of those feather black scarf things the other winners got. I thought it a much cooler prize for dancing my ass off. I had fun. Hubby said I sweat off at least 5 pounds that night. I screwed up during my second pole dance but oh well shit happens and nobody's perfect.

As if I didn't have enough torcher I was stupid enough to go up there again this week even though I'm still not feeling well cause I wanted to see what the burner thing was all about. It was a special burner weekend up there. I got to play and sing some music with an old friend and I saw real fire dancers. It was awesome! Some of them were real good at it. The stars were out shining so bright it was such a beautiful night but we left early because hubby was cold, had a headache and said it was the best thing to do.

Since I've been sick, I haven't had much time or energy for that matter to do anything so needless to say but, I have mostly been doing nothing or being stupid when I have done something. No work got done (not like my boss has given me any hours anyway), no blogging got done, no maintenance of anything. I do feel bad about that and hubby said I am lazy. He is probably right, however, I am doing what I can.

I am really upset with my boss for only scheduling me for two days this month. I must work full time to even hope to stay alive but I only get two days! WHAT THE HELL MAN!!!! Two days in one month when I was hired on as a full time employee? This is just not right. I am getting pretty much no money at all in a whole month and a half because of this. I have been looking for another job but they are all drying up quick. I cannot survive like this and everything is falling apart. I need a better job and fast. I have so many skills to offer, the trick is convincing someone else of that when they all look at me and see a 24 year old. Automatically employers assume from my age that I will be lazy, stupid, require and had to hold, will be immature, and unprofessional.

I'll have you all know people but I take whatever job I have very seriously and want nothing but to do a good job at anything set before me with style, grace, poise, professionalism, and sometimes a bit of humor. I care about my workplace, I really do so why is it so difficult to explain this on a resume? All I need is one phone call for an interview and I can show anyone that I have what it takes to do the job no matter what pre-judgments they wish to place on me.

Even if people think they can have me all figured out by reading my blog that is so far from the truth. What I write here is nothing more than snapshots into my life. You can't know a person or even see their life story from snapshots laid out before you. I do hope to write a book someday but to really get to know me or anyone would take a lifetime. People are both simple and complicated; I go both ways when the situation calls for it. There are so many different sides to me, true, and you may not like all of them, yes, but even though the whole package is me, when I am at work I am in job mode. When I am at the gym, I am in work out mode. I know when and where it is appropriate for what part of me to come out. So I wonder why people think it is ok to judge people out of context. We have fired teachers for going to parties and fired cops, fire people, nurses, and doctors just for a few pictures that somehow made it onto the internet with or without their consent.

Does it really matter what they do outside of work as long as they do a good job while there? As long as all is kept separate or in their place does it really matter if people have a life outside of how they get their paycheck? Simply put, NO!!! No, it really doesn't matter or make any difference or affect job performance to have a life. If anything getting a life outside of work would only make the person happier and we all know that happy people make better employees. And for the record, I do not think it was at all right to bring up impeachment for what Pres. Clinton did. Most men, especially those in power or with money cheat on their wives, and I do mean MOST of them in one way or another. What people must get through their heads is that they should all stop being jealous and nosey. Jealousy is a useless emotion that does nothing to help us and it wasn't our business what Bill did after hours. It honestly didn't hurt any of us one bit. What hurt was all the stupid unnecessary ruckus big deal everyone made out of it all. Hello people! Wake up and get a brain please! We are devolving with all this crap we are doing to ourselves.