Big Tests

Well, it has been a week since I have started my diet and excersise thing and I tell you I am so very sore. I have been swimming everyday, I borrowed some weights from a friend, and i went shopping for better food. Today I walked for six miles. That is a little more than twice what I did last time I tried that trail. There was plenty of uphill on the hike with Hubby but when we got to the top we saw such a view! It was incredibly beautiful. I hope I dream that kind of beauty. I saw most of the Bay Area from up there about From San Jose to Fremont. I hear that on a very clear day you could even see the Golden Gate Bridge from that point. the clouds were perfect, the sunset, the dear, the birds, everything was just great. Of course I felt like dying when I got to the top. That was one hell of a climb! My muscles were very tired by then and I had a small problem with my left ligament but it went away shortly. Last time I fell apart after only a mile or so in. I couldn’t go on any further. My ligament wouldn’t let me. This time I am so amazed I got through six miles. I can certialy feel it though so at least I do believe I did do it.

Since I have cut out soda and other stuff like that I have been going through a caffine withdrawl so I’ve been getting headaches from that but mostly I feel great. I have been feeling stronger every day since I’ve started working out but also tired. The tired is because it takes more energy to burn fat from your body then elswhere like from food. Once my motabolism speeds up I will not feel as tired because my body will be used to what I am doing to it with this new work out and diet thing. I am also trying not to push myself too hard to keep from injuring myself. I know I still have a ways to go but I am working on it.

The test I am working so hard for is the physical test given to corrections officers and fire fighters and such. I have already taken the written and the psych test. Passed the first one, don’t know about the other yet. They don’t contact me unless I fail that one and so far the no news is good news. Nerve racking isn’t it? I believe making us jump though all these hoops is part of the process though, to see which of us stick around and keep a cool head while making us wait forever to know anything.

Whether it be a good or a bad thing I do know much about psych crap. What I am not sure they will realise is that I know for a fact that I am to a small degree nuts but I am also always in complete control of myself. One out of every three folks are bi-polar but I am not sure if those guys doing the evaluation know this. If they disqualify me because of that while approving others then their are many liers out there who didn’t mention that they are also. Most people who are bi-polar do go undiagnosed and never get the help they need in order to feel better. I am at least on the correct meds and am doing everything I can to minimize or get rid of the simptoms of my bi-polarness. I also have another advantage. From a very young age and for the better part of my life I have been taught and practice certian mental control techniques and come from a long line of those who succeed in doing the same. Thanks Dad. Our mind is a truly powerful thing but those psych people cannot know that about me from some stupid written test. I can see why it would be necessary though. do they even bother looking up myspace pages? If so, would they even catch this blog? Who knows, all I hope is that they meet me before passing any judgement on my internal thought proccesses. I know I can’t spell well, welcome to my generation of spoild with spell check and computers.



In my life I have been through much. No one could even imagine how it was for me because they were not there looking through my eyes but I can tell you those experiences have made me mature to the point that I associate better with older people, I understand the key to happiness even if it is not always so easy, I can keep a cool head when put in most set of circumstances. I have gifts and skills I have expanded upon and would like to make grow further. I have memories both good and bad to draw from for guidence. I have envisioned a future most would not obtain but I know I can achieve. I have made up my mind that I will succeed in anything I put my mind to. Much works against me for the position I have applied for with the state I know this, but I also know that much works for me and if given the chance I know for damned sure I can do that job and do it well. There is much I am good at and I also know what I am not so good at. They really should get to know me before they make their choice about wheather or not I can at least mentally do the job.