Gay Diva Assassins

Oh boy did I have this odd dream about very flaming Gay and Lesbian Diva Assassins. Everyone in the group was obsessed with hair, makeup, nails, and killing people as quickly, cleanly and efficiently as possible. They were full of all kinds of interesting weapons concealed on their hair, nails, make up, and all over their various bright and sequenced garments. It was very entertaining. My role in the dream was as an ally to the assassin group and they would sometimes call on me for my acting and infiltrations skills to gather information needed for a kill. Because I am Bi and not gay I couldn’t really be a part of the team but I could help and sometimes had to sleep with someone to get the information sought after. For the first time ever Timmy was in my dream as another consultant and his job was to create distractions. To be a distraction he had to play the role of a very drunk gay guy who was ruining his house by turning it into one giant bubble bath and singing at the top of his lungs while sitting in the bubbles.

I tend to have some pretty weird dreams but this one I felt like writing down. It was pretty cool. One poison was hidden in a lipstick designed to be harmless to the wearer with certain precautions but so very deadly to anyone else all you had to do was touch the same side of a card with your lips or skin during a game of suck and blow that it would kill you in seconds. Of course the lipstick was purple. It took about 7 steps to apply properly for it to work its best. I had no idea I Timmy would be in my dream for the first time but if a drunk guy had to be singing at the top of his lungs to create distraction I am sure glad that it was Timmy’s voice I was hearing. He totally rocks! I may be seeing him tonight since I am my sis ride to the club and we both should be there. Once again I will be the designated driver so once again he will have to keep the water flowing but he has always been so very sweet and kind about the fact that I do not drink. Timmy is a very great and talented bartender and a wonderful guy altogether. I am so glad he was a nice surprise to have in one of my weird dreams.

Birthdays and Spring Days

So, yesterday was Little Sister’s birthday party and Grandma and Grandpa actually showed up so we also celebrated Grandma’s birthday as well. It was great to see them both. It has been a while. Grandpa told all of us that he is ready to go to Heaven soon but on his own terms and is not at all scared. He also informed us that our other Grandma Pat has sever cancer and was sent home by the doctors to leave this world where she wants to within the next month or so. This means that this month will be one of the worst months in my live since we just lost our kitty, Sweetie, last night and now I may lose two of my Grandparents whom I have known and loved my whole life. This is a very sad time for our family but I know we will get through it. We have been through so much already so I think what we have survived through has made us stronger.

Today I went to the doctor to get more medication for my dizzy vertigo stuff since I have had this inner ear condition for the last week or so now and ran out. They refilled my prescription and gave me a referral to the ears, nose, throat doctor specialist to see if there may be anything else they can do to help me. I will also be seeing my primary doctor on the 6th sometime for a follow up.

While I was walking outside today from the parking lot to the hospital building and then back to the car I noticed that today is quite a beautiful and gorgeous Spring day. I love the temperature, it is perfect. I love the nice cool breeze that is just right. I love the big blue sky and the feel of the sun on my skin. It has all just perked me right up. I know I will not be perfectly happy with such other bad news and the loss but I can really enjoy a day like this. It is just all so very pretty and I hope all others can feel it and enjoy it with me. I pity those who cannot take the pleasure in such great weather when there are so many positive things to see. We have trees and flowers in our city you all just have to look at them with a smile. If you can’t do that then what is the point of being on this nice hunk of rock that rotates so well around the big bright thing in the sky?

I have begun to keep more in touch with those I love as much as possible through at least email so if anyone out their wants or needs to keep in touch with me then send me an email and I will get back to you so we can. Good communication creates harmony in all relationships.

For my kitty. The last two nights she was on my pillow the whole time every so often pawing me in the eye to wake me up so i can comfort her. Even though I didn't sleep much or well I will still miss her being so adorable all the time and nuzzling my forehead with her nose or tickling me with her whiskers. I washed her a bunch near the end since she stopped cleaning herself and stunk quite a bit if I didn't. An hour or so b4 she left us we tried one last attempt to eye drop some water into her mouth. I can't believe she held on as long as she did. She was so strong but in the end she was almost 18 years old and it was time to go. At least she didn't suffer as much as her brother did last year when we buried him.

Hubby held her outside where she was happy until her last breath and twitch. The poor guy saw her born he no doubt is taking this hard but I am here for him this time so it looks like he is dealing better about losing her then with Feisty last year. I was at BayCon last year when he left us an we were fighting that whole weekend. Hubby just doesn't take this sort of thing well. I should have been more there for him but we were both being impossible to put up with that week.

I have lost so many people in my life I feel (and this may sound bad) like I have learned how to better cope with loss than most people have.

Even if all my losses were not lost by death I still knew I would never see them again when those doors closed on those chapters of my life and it still hurts the same in my book. when you love others as much, as deeply, and as unconditionally as I do there is much risk and much pain involved especially for a Foster Child but i continue to Love others the way that I do despite the risk and the pain that goes with it.

As a child I also learned many defense mechanisms and put up sever specific walls to keep myself as protected as possible and still survive. This also made for many bad habits in my teens. That took much love, patience, and therapy to fix. The biggest contributors to my healing process as I grew older were and still are my Hubby, Father, and Grandpa Jay.

Grandpa Jay is one of my all time heroes and always will be. It would not surprise me if he came back every so often just to check in with us as a ghost or something. The guy is a walking miracle in our family and has really devoted his entire life to helping others and changing the world for the better.

He and Grandma had several Foster kids of their own b4 I was even born. But those were slower times and the economy was a bit better back then. Still they found a way to care for a bit over 100 kids within about 12-15 years before I was even thought of.

Grandpa has been known to pull so many miracle stunts like driving over a river. Driving with no gas somehow, driving while asleep, and driving with a stick stuck in the side to cover a whole in the gas tank. He has had over 30 heart attacks that I know of. Over 6 open heart surgeries a few that he even watched while it was happening, He once had gout now it is gone, he once had stomach cancer it is now gone, he was once deaf he can now hear. The list goes on…

He has driven his motorcycle home while asleep perfectly safely. He has even astro-projected, floated in the air, AND the guy once teleported in seconds. I believe the whole thing because when I was a kid I saw my Dad do similar things with my own eyes and have a few of my own real life incredible stories of miracles.

We come from a very long ass line of very spiritual people who have spent their whole lives in the service of others. Most of us can sing or play and instrument. Grandpa can play most instruments. He can also throw his voice and has done some work for the government with my dad.

My Dad had a whole life before I was even born. Grandpa had several. He has died several times but it just didn't stick yet. I am so glad I got to see my family and especially Grandpa Jay before he goes home to meet the big guy he has such a close relationship with.

I believe in miracles only because I have seen them. I grew up with all this but it is very new and even unheard of to others I am aware so if this is too much for you to hear then I may be able to help you deal with all this information. I have no trouble talking about any of it. So far I have only given you the cliff notes. Some of it can even be explained scientifically from a certain point of view. Talk to me some time. I can explain it all just ask me anything you like. I will probably always believe that with great brilliance also comes great insanity. My family has proven this to me time and time again...LOL! Grandpa was insane to try to drive over that river but it was brilliant that he pulled it off so well. I wish the whole world to know him but like most incredible people in our world will most likely get the most recognition long after he passes on. Much love to all.

Lil Sis Family Bday Party Today

Well I am not sure how today will go but I am hoping it goes well. I have so much to do to get ready for Little Sis Birthday Party with the family. I still have to call her to see what kind of cake she wants. Then I gotta go pick it up. Then clean the house. Then set up. Then visit during the party. Then clean up. Then take me and Big Sis Home since I am her ride to and from. That is more than I usually do in one day and will be so tired after my head may spin again even with the medicine I am taking. I am beginning to doubt its effectiveness today. The room is still not perfectly still after taking my pill this morning. I do hope it clears before I must drive.

Last night was my first time ever being pulled over by a cop and getting a fix it ticket. Becca was in the car with me and like all my passengers freaked out more than I did. It seems to be a trend that everyone else goes nuts around cops but me. I see them all the time and have no trouble being honest and open with them like I do with everyone I encounter. What gets me is that sometimes my big sis just can’t believe what comes out of my mouth when I am being the most blunt and honest with her about things. Oh well she does try her best and I do love her very much no matter what. Hubby says I need to grow a back bone with my family though. I am still growing mine I guess. I will just have to work on it. I must learn how to say no and stick to it instead of being pushed into a yes when I really mean no. AAAAHHH!
I’ll try to let you all know how the party went.

Nostalgia and the Aftermath

Well I know I haven’t been blogging much since I have been keeping everyone up to date on my Facebook and Twitter. I do not always post the same messages on both so you may want to check out both to get a more clear picture of what is going on with me. If you already read those then you have an idea already of what I will be writing today. On Facebook I am Michelle Finnegan and on Twitter I am VioletSunGoddes. It is with one s since Twitter didn't allow that many characters in the name when I signed up.

Well Nostalgia is a Goth club that my older sister put together and I have been doing my best to help her out with all the preparations and decorations and so on. Tuesday the 23rd was a theme night and the theme was Fairies and a bit if Steampunk or Industrial Goth. It was really a totally AWESOME night! But I tell you the set up took forever. We all started working on it on Monday and poor sis didn’t get any sleep for like two whole days making sure everything went ok. Well it turned out that everything went BETTER than ok it went FANTASTIC! Everyone who was everyone was there and it was so cool to see so many faces I knew and meet the few new faces who said they love the place. I love hearing that. I think I spread my attention so many different ways I was bound to make a few mistakes but it all went great anyway and we all had a total blast. I didn’t go all out on the dance floor like I normally do because I have had an inner ear infection for the last week or so. Not contagious or anything but just makes it tricky to stay clear headed or upright. I am so grateful the good Doctor gave me this little yellow pill that gets rid of the in vertigo for four hours at a time so as long as I take it on time I can at least drive and stay upright while walking. I had dear Bruce hold my inhalers for me in case I had an Asthma attack or something but I was ok it was just in case. I had too many great people watching out for me to allow anything to happen. Those same great people also watched out for my sisters just in case since big sis is still recovering from her surgery (though I think she over did it anyway) and little sis was having difficulties with her ex. It was so nice of everyone to be so helpful and conscious of everyone else’s needs. It wasn’t just us but everyone looked out for everyone else so we all had our backs watched just in case or if someone needed a ride home. It was really one awesome night and several people danced a whole lot.

While we were still setting up I got a chance to see some folks ballroom dancing. Their practice routine was pretty cool. The teacher was good and knew his stuff but he wasn’t very good at instilling confidence in his students even though he made them laugh. I am not sure if he could see just how uncomfortable at times that lady was but I guess he was trying to help her get more comfortable who knows. It just would have been nice to see more encouragement from the teacher instead of so many put downs when they messed up. I have been a ballroom teacher myself so it bugged me a bit.

Once I changed into my nicer outfit for the night and saw some of my first few friends who showed up I was all smiles and it was great. I tried to rest as much as possible so as not to exacerbate my inner ear problem but it was still much fun and great to see everyone I knew and meet the new ones.

On a sadder note out kitty is on her last few days with us. She is old and just shutting down and we don’t have the money to take her to the vet to be put down to reduce her suffering. I hope she is not in too much pain.

I got home at 5am ish after the club was finished being cleaned up by us and stuff. I am glad we all got home safely and with no accidents or anything. I tell you I was exhausted and just crashed when I got home. I didn’t wake up until about 6pm and then was only up for about 4 or 5 hours before I crashed again until noon today. The first time I woke up I had a major head problem and was very sore all over, made dinner, watched a show, checked email then went to sleep again. Today when I woke up I was hoping the in vertigo would be gone but it is not yet and if it is still there in the next two days I will have to go back to the doctor to see what is up and if we can fix it.

I am in a classical mood today so I am listening to my instrumental playlist in YouTube right now. I think it is because within the last two days I have head just about every other type of music. After helping to set things up on Monday I stuck around for the karaoke until my two sis decided to leave and then the Goth and Fairy stuff on Tuesday. So today it is classical and it is soothing. I like Vivaldi and some others. I have also been trying to keep up with some other friends today on chat but no one seems to be saying hi yet so I am blogging since I haven’t been on my computer for a while and feel like typing. Hubby is chatting online next to me on cam so I am also on cam. Maybe I will type to him next for fun.

I had a dream that I was full of tiny thumbtack needles in every pore of my body and my friends we helping to take them all out of me but they just kept coming back. My blond self didn’t make the link that my head was telling me that I am sore all over because I over did it with the helping others so now my subconscious is interpreting the pain in my body its own way in my dreams. I woke up sore as hell and should have made the connection but silly me didn’t think of that yet until Hubby pointed it out. All I can say is thank God for little yellow pills and some Aspirin. Oh! and of course, for my friends for helping out so much in reality and in dreams. Much love to all.

Fem vs Dom

Today's Fortune Cookie:Said the feminist to the Domme, "Why are you not like me? Surely you, of all people, understand the fight to be treated as equals by men?" Replied the Dominatrix, "Why ever would I want them to treat me as an equal when they now fall to their knees and praise me as a Goddess?"-Unknown

3 Days

For the last three days me, my husband and my father were at a conference at the Double Tree Hotel listening to a speaker named Bill Duquette and his friends Paul Finck and Keith and Hugh. I don’t remember all of their last names (I can’t spell any better than Bill either really). It was nice being able to converse with multimillionaires but it is nothing new for me. I have met several others over the years. The first billionaire I met was Wright Thurston. He was a great guy to meet. He and his son were very nice folks and I enjoyed my time with them as well.
This weekend was cool because Bill, our speaker, was funny and energetic. He is a very good motivator and very real and honest about who he is. He was not afraid to make mistakes and tried to teach us to no longer be afraid as well. He wanted all of us to have his confidence throughout life so we can be happy and successful. He is naturally very funny but has no idea how he makes us laugh. I found that very amusing. It is all in the delivery not exactly what he said but how he said it that made us crack up when he spoke. The poor guy had a very bad pinched nerve the whole weekend and I offered to help him out with a massage so after the end of our first day of the conference we went back to his hotel room and I got him down to his underwear so I could work on his shoulder. I hope I did help him. I tried my best to relieve his pain. I most likely talked too much as well but I am still working on that bad habit.

On the second day Bill demonstrated how he talks to real people on the phone and how he words things to get the responses he gets out of people that are favorable to everyone involved. That is a skill that we will all be constantly practicing. On the third day he did more calling but before hand he got us all to role play with each other with a partner so we can learn to get over some of our fears of talking to people about money or anything else. I got to help Bill with a demonstration of negotiation for the class. He asked if anyone in the room was a good negotiator and I put my hand up. I started out easy on him but then he asked me to make it tougher. I made it very difficult for him but he handled it like a pro and used up the demonstration as a good example. A guy named Keith who works with Bill was holding the microphone for me during this exchange and someone asked me if he was whispering into my ear for what to say. The funny thing was, I was actually whispering to him “Bill should be careful what he asks for cause he just might get it. He wanted a hard example and a good negotiator so how am I doing?” Keith told me I was doing great and was very impressive. Big smiles all around. I was so amused.

The whole weekend he did not once ask us to trust him but instead told us that he loved and trusted us until we gave him a reason not to. I am very much the same way and it has been known to get me into much trouble but I am just that way anyways. He actually went on to give examples on how he is not very smart then said, “Follow this idiot!” Since he is obviously a very rich and successful man despite his mistakes and lack of brains. I thought that was cute of him to do that the way he did. His point was that with the right mindset and the right attitude then anyone can be successful. That statement is very correct.

During lunch on the third day the three of us met with Bill’s other multimillion dollar friend Paul Finck. I knew the whole point of the meeting was for Paul to try and get us to buy the education package they were selling. They were not one bit trying to say otherwise. I was way too hungry and my bi-polar got the best of me before we even sat down so I had to stuff my face somehow before I could be coherent. Even so it was trying to get my brain engaged in the right mindset for this meeting. Paul said he had never met anyone like my father and my husband. Well that I knew for sure before they even shook hands. Those two men are enigmas. He did push his sales techniques at me quite hard and most of my life I have been conditioned to blow up and push back twice as hard when pushed. Luckily, I have been working on fixing my automatic reactions but I still ended up quietly crying since I still do not like to be pushed or pressured into anything even if it is good for me. My family has learned different pushing techniques to get a good response from me but most of the world does not know how to react to my family. I am still learning to control my reactions though. I know Paul wasn’t the one who made me cry. It was me who did that so when we said our goodbyes I told him that I loved him and that it wasn’t him who upset me. I do like the guy very much and it was nice to meet with him anyway. I’m sure I made a fool of myself in front of him though but that is all a part of the failing forward fast they were preaching.

All in all the weekend was a success since we did get to meet many cool people and by the end the whole class pretty much knew who I am. I do hope to work with some of them in the future so we can all help each other get to where we want to be in our lives.