Birthdays and Spring Days

So, yesterday was Little Sister’s birthday party and Grandma and Grandpa actually showed up so we also celebrated Grandma’s birthday as well. It was great to see them both. It has been a while. Grandpa told all of us that he is ready to go to Heaven soon but on his own terms and is not at all scared. He also informed us that our other Grandma Pat has sever cancer and was sent home by the doctors to leave this world where she wants to within the next month or so. This means that this month will be one of the worst months in my live since we just lost our kitty, Sweetie, last night and now I may lose two of my Grandparents whom I have known and loved my whole life. This is a very sad time for our family but I know we will get through it. We have been through so much already so I think what we have survived through has made us stronger.

Today I went to the doctor to get more medication for my dizzy vertigo stuff since I have had this inner ear condition for the last week or so now and ran out. They refilled my prescription and gave me a referral to the ears, nose, throat doctor specialist to see if there may be anything else they can do to help me. I will also be seeing my primary doctor on the 6th sometime for a follow up.

While I was walking outside today from the parking lot to the hospital building and then back to the car I noticed that today is quite a beautiful and gorgeous Spring day. I love the temperature, it is perfect. I love the nice cool breeze that is just right. I love the big blue sky and the feel of the sun on my skin. It has all just perked me right up. I know I will not be perfectly happy with such other bad news and the loss but I can really enjoy a day like this. It is just all so very pretty and I hope all others can feel it and enjoy it with me. I pity those who cannot take the pleasure in such great weather when there are so many positive things to see. We have trees and flowers in our city you all just have to look at them with a smile. If you can’t do that then what is the point of being on this nice hunk of rock that rotates so well around the big bright thing in the sky?

I have begun to keep more in touch with those I love as much as possible through at least email so if anyone out their wants or needs to keep in touch with me then send me an email and I will get back to you so we can. Good communication creates harmony in all relationships.

For my kitty. The last two nights she was on my pillow the whole time every so often pawing me in the eye to wake me up so i can comfort her. Even though I didn't sleep much or well I will still miss her being so adorable all the time and nuzzling my forehead with her nose or tickling me with her whiskers. I washed her a bunch near the end since she stopped cleaning herself and stunk quite a bit if I didn't. An hour or so b4 she left us we tried one last attempt to eye drop some water into her mouth. I can't believe she held on as long as she did. She was so strong but in the end she was almost 18 years old and it was time to go. At least she didn't suffer as much as her brother did last year when we buried him.

Hubby held her outside where she was happy until her last breath and twitch. The poor guy saw her born he no doubt is taking this hard but I am here for him this time so it looks like he is dealing better about losing her then with Feisty last year. I was at BayCon last year when he left us an we were fighting that whole weekend. Hubby just doesn't take this sort of thing well. I should have been more there for him but we were both being impossible to put up with that week.

I have lost so many people in my life I feel (and this may sound bad) like I have learned how to better cope with loss than most people have.

Even if all my losses were not lost by death I still knew I would never see them again when those doors closed on those chapters of my life and it still hurts the same in my book. when you love others as much, as deeply, and as unconditionally as I do there is much risk and much pain involved especially for a Foster Child but i continue to Love others the way that I do despite the risk and the pain that goes with it.

As a child I also learned many defense mechanisms and put up sever specific walls to keep myself as protected as possible and still survive. This also made for many bad habits in my teens. That took much love, patience, and therapy to fix. The biggest contributors to my healing process as I grew older were and still are my Hubby, Father, and Grandpa Jay.

Grandpa Jay is one of my all time heroes and always will be. It would not surprise me if he came back every so often just to check in with us as a ghost or something. The guy is a walking miracle in our family and has really devoted his entire life to helping others and changing the world for the better.

He and Grandma had several Foster kids of their own b4 I was even born. But those were slower times and the economy was a bit better back then. Still they found a way to care for a bit over 100 kids within about 12-15 years before I was even thought of.

Grandpa has been known to pull so many miracle stunts like driving over a river. Driving with no gas somehow, driving while asleep, and driving with a stick stuck in the side to cover a whole in the gas tank. He has had over 30 heart attacks that I know of. Over 6 open heart surgeries a few that he even watched while it was happening, He once had gout now it is gone, he once had stomach cancer it is now gone, he was once deaf he can now hear. The list goes on…

He has driven his motorcycle home while asleep perfectly safely. He has even astro-projected, floated in the air, AND the guy once teleported in seconds. I believe the whole thing because when I was a kid I saw my Dad do similar things with my own eyes and have a few of my own real life incredible stories of miracles.

We come from a very long ass line of very spiritual people who have spent their whole lives in the service of others. Most of us can sing or play and instrument. Grandpa can play most instruments. He can also throw his voice and has done some work for the government with my dad.

My Dad had a whole life before I was even born. Grandpa had several. He has died several times but it just didn't stick yet. I am so glad I got to see my family and especially Grandpa Jay before he goes home to meet the big guy he has such a close relationship with.

I believe in miracles only because I have seen them. I grew up with all this but it is very new and even unheard of to others I am aware so if this is too much for you to hear then I may be able to help you deal with all this information. I have no trouble talking about any of it. So far I have only given you the cliff notes. Some of it can even be explained scientifically from a certain point of view. Talk to me some time. I can explain it all just ask me anything you like. I will probably always believe that with great brilliance also comes great insanity. My family has proven this to me time and time again...LOL! Grandpa was insane to try to drive over that river but it was brilliant that he pulled it off so well. I wish the whole world to know him but like most incredible people in our world will most likely get the most recognition long after he passes on. Much love to all.