So Pretty

I Thought This Was So Funny

I laughed so hard when I clicked on this. I love this song by the way.
8753 Beardslee Rd. Perry, MI.

Nature Walks

Glacier Bay - Beardslee Islands

Just Curious - this may not work right....

So this is what's going on at Beardslee Castle

Heath Ledger

I was so shocked when I heard that he died. I just couldn't believe that such a young and talented actor could be gone just like that. My jaw dropped. He was one of the most capturing, emotion provoking, and heartfelt actors out there. He was one of the actors I would really like to have met. He died so young! Only 28. He will be sorely missed and mourned by many.

Thoughts I probably shouldn’t have but are there anyway. I suck.

You ever have a conversation with someone after having no one to talk to for a long while and find that it is very difficult to shut up because all you've really done the past few days is work and sleep and repeat? Say you are really passionate about a particular subject that you feel the other person can relate to because of something they shared with you and the chat goes well but then you find yourself going on about how things should be but isn't that way on that topic you were just discussing. Afterword I found myself asking what the other person thought about what was exchanged and what the others around who may have listened in thought about what they heard me say, or even if they heard enough to make a sound judgment, or just heard pieces of it and don't understand. I end up feeling like an idiot for some reason then wonder why I couldn't have just kept my mouth shut like everyone else. I get lonely sometimes and I do not know why. Today I took a test about love languages. Last I took it was when I was 15 and got slightly different results. I think lately, my jar has seen better days. I then figure out that I am almost never alright but only pretend for the sake of others I care about so no one worries about me. I would feel better if only I got more hugs from everybody, then I would know I am not the only one who truly cares. I really feel like crying all the time most days and that is really fucked up because I have a lot to be thankful and happy for. I have some friends I love and a husband that takes very good care of me. I should be rejoicing that I have people in my life. Instead I am a fucked up person who cares about everyone but feel very little of that in return mainly I think because hubby has been the only one returning the love. I don't know why I am fucked up like that but I am and it makes me a bitchy person to him. I shouldn't take out any of my pain on him, he does so much for me already. I am stupid and ungrateful to feel this way. So very sad all the time. So incredibly sad. I want Hubby to get better, my sister to have a healthy place to live, my mom to be happy, my dad to stop losing his head, people to start raising their kids properly, the schools to get their head out of their asses, good leaders for our country for once, poverty to no longer be a problem, to be an actress, singer, and dancer, for hubby to have everything he wants, world peace, my children to be healthy, and so much more to happen.

I'm sorry guys, one of these days I'll have an interesting blog for you and not one where I just piss all over everything.

My Love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		9
Words of Affirmation:		7
Acts of Service:		6
Quality Time:		5
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

A Quote I Will Try To Focus On More

That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to performit has improved. ~Ralf Waldo Emerson

Took the test anyway, What the Hell, right?

The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

If you want to explore your own sexual orientation, here is a simple research instrument that was used by Fritz Klein and others. It is a refinement of the Kinsey Scale which ranked behaviour and "psychologic reactions" on a scale from 0 to 6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual, 6 being exclusively homosexual, and 3 being equally homosexual/heterosexual.

Klein wanted to test his idea that sexual orientation was a "dynamic, multi-variable process," so he developed the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid. He thought that an individual's sexual orientation was composed of sexual and non-sexual variables which differed over time.

I scored an average of 2.24


..>..>
..>..>..>..>..>..>..>..>

width="141">

..>..>..>..>..>..>..>..>

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

..>..>..>..>..>..>..>..>

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:


0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

Never Knew of This Test Before

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was devised by Larry Kurdek, B. Berkey and T. Perelman-Hall. It is an extension of the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, recognising that sexual identities can change over time, people can identify with more than one sexual identity, and that asexuality is a valid sexual identity. The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was published in the "Journal of Homosexuality" in 1990.

According to my answers, it is likely that I identify as
Heterosexual with some homosexuality.

Complete set of results

..>..>..>..>

Heterosexual with some homosexuality:		5
Sequential bisexual:		4
Concurrent bisexual:		2
Past homosexual, currently heterosexual:		2
Heterosexual:		1
Asexual:		0
Homosexual:		0
Homosexual with some heterosexuality:		0
Past heterosexual, currently homosexual:		0

Information

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was devised by Larry Kurdek, B. Berkey and T. Perelman-Hall. It is an extension of the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, recognising that sexual identities can change over time, people can identify with more than one sexual identity, and that asexuality is a valid sexual identity. The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was published in the "Journal of Homosexuality" in 1990.

Take the quiz

Rambo Whore

I was in some sort of an army and was a programmed human with a special mission to go undercover so I could catch and destroy this evil black energy alien thing that manifested in specific human beings. So I was in this truck following a lead of where the human might be and came to a gate for a college dorm facility that housed mostly regular army guys. I guess I was in some really high up there division because even though my cover involved me being dressed up as a whore… they somehow recognized me as there superior and answered me quickly with a salute when I asked them where the couple that just ran in here went. I may have flashed some kind of identification marker or something. I found the room they were trying to hide in. It was in the very back on the side of the building that faced a very big sea so I ran to the room and a good looking big guy with a kind face came out dragging his struggling wife with a look and feel of pain permeating off of them. The wife was small, far too skinny and reminded me a bit of my mom for some reason. She looked possessed kind of like that king on Lord of the Rings was only without all the over long grey hair. Black on her fingernails, black bags under the eyes, and thick black smoke almost like a liquid like the blob or something was oozing from her. She was in hysterics and all he could do was hold her. Some of her humanity was clearly still showing through her unable to fight the monster within her pleaded for help.

My Intel told me the human would be dead inside and my orders were to kill it in any way possible. But I saw they needed help and asked the husband what they were doing while it still dormant in her before it came out like this. He said he gave her a hug and they were talking nicely. I then went up to her and punched her hard in the face. The black thing transferred to him temporarily then eased back into its favorite host. I told them to follow me and we went back to my truck. I drove them to a special place that somehow could possibly help and that I somehow I knew all of a sudden the place would be safe. It was in the middle of the suburbs where all the little houses look exactly the same. Little boxes all in a row. I pulled over and let them get out of the truck. I say let them out because my truck was a specially designed truck for this mission. All the doors could only be opened by me or my superior, and the back was totally pimped out for the perfect whore room, complete with all equipment and other things necessary to be a whore, as well as special hidden and locked compartments with guns, explosive and other stuff like that.

They went into one of the houses on the block that belonged to some strange doctor who took samples of various tissues of the woman to find out what it was that she had that was so different from others that made her the favorite host of this creature thing. Meanwhile I was outside in the back of my truck watching the perimeter of the place when this small group of old ladies rounded the corner and were walking towards the house I was parked in front of. They had a look on their faces that asked what the hell I was doing there. Well, I was wearing a simple stretchy black well form fitting dress with nothing but fishnets under and whore heal boots. The fishnets were control tops with a hole in the crotch cause apparently that was how a whore dressed in my silly dream. Then I realized I was still under cover so I got out of the truck and stood there with a come hither look and started to seduce the old ladies. One said to me that I was the best looking man whore they had ever seen, a real actor. I said "Hey! I'm female. I was born this way, 100% woman, see." And I pulled up my dress to show them. They said, "Oh that's good so what can you do for us? Would you be better than our husbands?" I said "Do you have a $50?" We had a very strange L Word moment. Then the possessed woman came outside and yelled that I am her whore and no one else's. I hit her again and she calmed down. The doctor came out with some sort of ray gun and shot her with it. The black blob thing came out, the husband caught her, I caught the smoky blob in a jar and I woke up.

I thought about what this dream could mean when I woke up then told my hubby about it. He said I watch too much TV because the dream was a mix of L Word, Torchwood, and Family Guy. I thought that was funny and agreed with him. I watch too much TV. Not one of my best nights, I had worse dreams before and after this one.

This Pretty Much Says It All

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/01/13/halp-2/

Torchwood E1 - Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang

I usually don't blog about shows or movies but this one is worth blogging about so what the hell I'll blog it.

Ok first to fill you in on a few basics of the show. Go to this web site link:

http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/262/s2_about.jsp

John Barrowman is the sexiest man alive ever. Until I saw this guy I was all over both Doctor Who's Christopher and David who now tie for second sexiest guy in the world. Then there are more in the list but when we get to the part where we get to see John and James Marsters (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Smallville) I freaked. I was so so into the scene! Two of the most sexy guys on TV were not only kicking each others ass but making out! Wow, what a scene that was! I loved it, that was so hot, I can't wait to see him in future episodes. What adds to it is that both play characters that are not only bi but into good looking aliens as well. It is really disappointing to know that John is not only gay in real life but has been with his partner for over 13 years so won't be free any time soon. I love his attitude on things and he is a pretty funny guy. I am also glad he has no problem whatsoever taking his clothes off. It is almost more than I can bare to see that perfect body of his. I know it is immature of me to think so much on a celeb but with John it is impossible for me not to.

Later on, I'll post a blog with a full list of who I think are the sexiest men in the world if anyone is interested to know. Drop me a massage, tell me what you think of the show.

Hitler

The following first paragraph was posted on my bulletin page:

since several of you have commented about me quoting Hitler on my profile I thought I'd give you a disclaimer: I am not a fan of Hitler. I don't quote him often. I have never approved of his beliefs or ideals. That said, I think it gives more power and understanding of the particular quote I chose just to know who said it.

Here is the quote she is referring to on her page:

"It's good for the government the people don't think." ~Hitler"

These are my thoughts on the subject:

I have always understood that. I think it is a powerful message, a point I have been trying to make for years but no one listens because no one cares. Hitler was never accused of being stupid so it would make sense that he would know that the government would be in trouble if people really used their brains especially since he was tight with the US once upon a time. All he did to gain power was use his brain but that is not the point trying to be made here. We should promote thinking not put it down simply because one man did such horrible things. He only succeeded because no one else used THEIR brains well enough in the first place.

So if one man used thinking to overthrow those in power then what could we do to fix this world if we all put on our thinking caps? Our government really doesn't want us to think because that would change their position of power over the people and it has been doing nothing but take more and more freedoms, collecting more and more power and we the people are just stupid enough to be handing it all over to the government. Some of us say they know best or the system is so corrupted we can't do anything to fix it now its gone so far to the dark side of the force (a small joke but you get the point). Thing is people we actually can make a difference we are just to fat, lazy, and/or stupid to do what it would really take to make this country what we all hope or wish it to be.

This is why I need people to invest in our company so we can fix things other people screwed up that is currently affecting most of us. We used our heads and came up with a brilliant concept and working plan to help all those with real estate problems. We will try and tackle one problem at a time.

It Is The Actor In Me

I actually wrote this one yesterday but forgot to post it so I don't really remember what I wrote and don't care to read it at the moment but the following was part of what was going through my head yesterday at work:

As an actor type personality I have the tendency to be very in touch with my feelings and display them accordingly. I have learned that it is the job of established actors to show what other hide in themselves. I try not to hide anything inside to begin with. It all just seems to come out to sit right on my sleeve for all to see. I am thankful for the training I have received over the years as well as the lessons life has taught me so far so I now rarely have the need to feel angry anymore. Such a large difference in me from the way I was before but still expressive just calmer with less worries.

I am once again unsure if I am making any sense since no one really tells me one way or another. That is fine with me, I will just second guess myself to death until I figure out how to be more confident when I am stressed out.

When I get stressed out like today I listen to music and in just a few seconds of a cool song and I feel better. I am so easy to cheer up, please, and make happy it makes some people wonder about me. I have far too many interests.

Right now I am listening to Rebirth, Skillet

Caffeine helps too. I had a Mt. Dew at lunch

Back to work I go.

Slowly Becomming An Un-human Society – Philosophical Notes on Us and God

Sometimes I just get mad at the world for being touch phobic. I just look around me and see that people are so afraid to show their affection they don't know what real affection looks like, don't know how to show it if they feel it, can't tell if what they feel is real, and can't recognize affection if it is staring them in the face. People are taught not to show affection but it is perfectly acceptable to show anger. Since anger is the only acceptable emotion to express in our society then all other emotions start to look like and behave like anger. Fear, sexual frustration, sadness, and even love or affection have been turned into looking like anger or hatred. This confuses people. When a person is not taught about any other emotion they teach themselves in most cases to ignore or suppress their normal human responses. We are taught to turn our bodies off because it is an evil thing for our bodies to be working correctly. We were built to feel what we feel and our society is just pushing us further and further away from being human.

Instead of being human with all the natural impulses, feelings, wants, needs, desires, hopes and fears we are a society taught how to be robots through an avenue called religion. Religion is a tool that few people use to control many people through fear. Fear of going to hell, fear of God, fear of the government. Not many people realize that our government is made up of mans laws not necessarily Gods laws. We are presuming too much. We seem to think because we have a bible or some other holy book that we know what God really wants. We know what he wants for each of us and we know what he meant when he supposedly said certain things in those books. Thing is people, NO WE DON'T! How dare we know what the all mighty God is thinking? How dare we think us mere messily humans can ever comprehend what he would communicate to us? If He really wanted to world to hear His message then God would certainly not need to use a man's hand to write it down in a book for him. He could easily just shout it down from heaven to tell us what he wants.

Everyone wants to be closer to God or at least in his favor. Even those who do not believe in a god pray during the worst moments of their lives in hopes it may help because no one really knows for sure. Prayer has been scientifically proven to work. Miracles do happen. How ever we wish to explain those things is not in question here. I have my own theories on the miracles I've seen but that is not my point. I am merely illustrating my wish to not knock anyone down who belong in the miracle category.

Let us use a bit of logic here. The bible says we were created in his image. So, if that is what people truly are believing then we are not acting like it. We are acting as if our image is sinful and unclean, that our bodies are tainted. We act as if God stopped loving his children as soon as Eve ate that apple. Ok, so now we all born sinners. Got that. Tell me how it would make things worse to be ourselves the way God made us in the first place? We have our punishments already, we must work to survive and child birth still hurts like hell. Logically I would think that would be atonement or penance enough for Eve eating that apple since we didn't eat that damn thing ourselves I our punishments deemed by God are fitting enough. Why then oh why do we feel the need to punish ourselves further? I do not believe He meant for his children to be unhappy. We are still His children and He the Father so why do we deny ourselves the pleasures that we were naturally set up to enjoy? We are communal beings. We do not survive too long vary well without others of our own kind. It is still being proven yet so many of us are lonely and feel no love from others because we are so afraid to just give someone a hug. We are afraid to show we care.

Human beings that are truly made in God's image would be completely comfortable with themselves the way they are and how they are made by him. Man feel the need to control man. God can do as he pleases and needs no book to do it for him. He is God and has the power to speak to us himself but chooses not to directly from above. One may claim they hear his voice all the time. That is all good and well but none can say he speaks to all of us at once. You can argue that is why he came up with the bible concept but then again it says in the book that he used to speak to all of us at once.

Logically if the bible really was the word of God written through mans hand then revised by the Church and translated so many times and man is flawed as it says we are not perfect then technically that means we may not have truly understood what he said in the first place. We would have to believe that every man who's hand God used was able to get it right in the first place and dictated perfectly, that the translations man made are perfect, the revisions the Churches have made are perfect, and that we imperfect humans know God so well we can cut parts out, add others saying they knew what He really meant because they are holy people who couldn't possibly make a mistake with God's word.

Now, if you really believe that we didn't screw up here then you honestly do not think for yourself and I pity you. One can have faith and not be blind about it. It is our free will that made that book the way it is today and God allowed it to mess up because free will was his gift to us from the very beginning. He does want us to be happy in our lives and act that is true to who we are. He loves us all. I really don't think that God himself would be so uncaring and hurtful to his creations that he would send us to a place called hell. If people really go to hell it is because they created their own hell and sent themselves their because that is where they believed they would end up and it was so. He gave us that free will and our souls so we may create our own realities once we leave this one.

What all mighty loving God do you know that would want his precious children to burn in hell? We do it to ourselves. It has little with what we do in this lifetime. These bodies are meant to be vessels in which to lean and experience what it is to be human. So we should be thankful for this opportunity to learn and stop torturing ourselves and others by going against our nature. Thank God for our bodies, thank him for their pleasures, thank him for their pains, thank him by using them to experience what we were put here to learn and enjoy. Hug each other, laugh, with each other, cry with each other, love one another. Rejoice in the gifts we were given and stop worrying about everything so much we are paying for our sins already. We are not in the garden we were meant to be in.

Which brings me to another point. In the Garden of Eden mankind was naked and everything was simple and provided for the humans. We were in his favor and all was good until we fucked up and broke the rules. We've been paying ever since. Have any of you ever thought that we can be in His favor again and we should try to be as close to the way we were in the Garden? There was no shame in that place. Shamefulness was more of a sin than being naked was. He liked us better when we were without shame for ourselves. It is not a sin to appreciate a nude body. If God had meant us to be clothed we would have been born that way but we were born naked and un-shameful and innocent. Have you ever asked yourself why a baby or child has no problem taking their diapers off or being nude in front of others? If the kid is too warm it makes logical sense for them to want to take off their clothes. What is the point of covering it all up again? Clothes are tools for warmth and attraction of a mate. Simply put. There is no shame in being nude. God wanted us that way in the first place. To be closer to God I would think all of you would want to live without being self conscience about yourself and be closer to nature.

I wish I could hug everyone I meet. I love everyone so much and we are meant to show our affection towards others. We are pack animals like horses. They hug too. It is a happy thing to hug. It is not supposed to be uncomfortable thing to do. I am pissed that we are all taught otherwise. The government just want us to all be afraid so we can be controlled.

Just some thoughts. I think I will put some of this in my writings.

Surfs Up Dude!

I had a fun dream where I took surfing classes. The classes just so happened to be in an indoor ocean complete with artificial waves that really mimicked the ocean. In between lessons our class played water games. These games determined whether or not we were still worthy enough to be in the class so everyone took them seriously. One game we had these small colored pill sponge looking things that we had to drop in strategic places for other teams to find. Each team had a different set of colors that were important to different degrees. When we dropped them into the water and they reached the bottom they created this beautiful crystalline structure about the size of one's forearm. Spikes came up like mini towers that pointed upward the same color as the little pill things that made them.

The water stilled while we were placing them then when the whistle blew the waves started up real big and we had to surf our way around the place back and forth, back and forth from one end of the room to the other. I came up with a strategy no one else thought of and used the momentum of the wave to propel me under when I dove to capture the right colored thingys. I ended up with the most at the end of the game and no one could figure out how I did it. I said to them physics and common sense you idiots! Then I woke up.

How My Birthday Went

I wanted to mostly sleep for my birthday so I could for once be rested by Monday for work. So for the most part I did. I had many dreams and when I remember them I will tell you. Eventually I'll remember them. Well, ok I did wake up early. Mom and hubby dragged me out of bed around 9 or so to take me out for breakfast for my b-day before mom had to go to work. That was nice of her to think of my tummy. I had French toast. Then I went back to bed.

Hubby woke me up in early afternoon to tell me someone was here to visit me. I said without opening my eyes, "Do I like this person?" And my sister's voice said, "No, I'm the most horrible person you know." I thought that was funny so I got my lazy ass out of bed and put on my blue tie-dye dress.

She had made us all lunch and a birthday cake and brought me a present. I was surprised by this. Apparently, she had been planning to come over on my b-day for about a week now so the lunch she made was well thought through. She made little wraps that were vegetarian so hubby could have some too, sandwiches veggie and non-veggie, and fresh fruit in a bowl cut up to look all fancy and pretty. She is a cool sis. We ate, sang Happy Birthday to me, and I opened presents. From Grandma and co. I got a painting I made when I was about 10 and a card with flowers on it. From Lil' Sis a gift card for AMC theaters, from hubby a Pirates card with Jonny and Orlando on the front (so hot) and it played the theme song when opened. It says, "It's your birthday, time to follow the code- grab all the fun you can and give nothing back!" So that is exactly what I did… after I watched my next present from hubby, the movie Stardust. He also got me Thrillville 2 – Off the Rails I love the first one and wanted the second one. He knows me so well.

Then I went dancing. I always want to go dancing on my birthday and this time I actually got to. One of my very best of friends took me dancing and it was a lot of fun. They played the best waltzes during one of the mixers, I saw and danced with people there I hadn't seen for a while, and I met some new friends, whom I really like. We met 2 wonderful gals who were out celebrating a birthday as well. I just met them and I already love 'em to pieces. We danced, laughed, got some birthday request songs in, and went out for food afterward. We left the dance floor around 1am or 1:30 or so but I didn't get home 'til much later. So I did what the card said. I had a great time. I did feel bad for my best friend though, wasn't having such a good day. Very sad but I had to stay positive. Tricky to stay positive when I remember some of my other b-days though but I think for the most part the day was a success. I got home smiling from ear to ear and with new friends. A successful day indeed. BTW the rest of my family called to wish me well too.

The next day I heard about Uncle J's retirement party from mom since I missed it. I thought it was in the afternoon but it was at the same time as when I went dancing. No way was I going to miss dancing on my b-day. It was a smash of a party with a live band that was really good. They had a dance floor in their living room. I am sorry I missed it but I just can't be in two places at once. Since he'd been planning his retirement since before I was born (when he was about 12 or so), I couldn't exactly ask him to make it on the 13^th instead of the 12^th. That's life. It isn't fair and I missed it but have a very big bright side with the dance I did go to. Ok I'll stop babbling now.

More Mind Throwup Feel free to ignore

When I was younger before I met my husband I had all these ideals about marriage as most people do. I dreamed of true love without knowing what it would really feel like or look like. I wanted everything to be my way and he had to be perfect as well as exactly the way I wanted it. While I was dreaming these things I was actually dating people who didn't look like my ideal at all. I wanted a sexy movie star look with a gentlemanly personality who could also make me laugh. I wanted him to love me and treat me like I am the best thing in the universe. I wanted him to be a wild but also gentle in the bedroom complete with all the skills to satisfy a woman. I wanted him to also be liberal enough to not mind my sluttish qualities and trust me to be careful which I always am. I thought he would make me feel constantly turned on and in my mind at the time everything was about sex but I didn't really notice that it was that always on my mind. I was young and had no idea what true love would feel like. My man also had to be like me who loves to dance, could sing, and perform in stage productions. He at least had to be somewhat artistic.

Who I kept dating were guys that were large, had a belly, great eyes, some were gentleman, some were not, we were together and may have even loved each other but we didn't truly work together as a team. All of them were too conservative for my tastes and all had jealousy issues that I thought. All were attracted to my sluttish qualities but didn't know how to handle it or trust me or love me but also let me be free. I understand of course. We are all conditioned by our society to thing and behave a certain way. We are all taught to think alike in most ways. As my sis has on her page "It's good for the government the people don't think." ~Hitler"

Then I found my hubby. He is a big guy, has a belly, a great bottom , and gorgeous eyes. He not only is a gentleman but treats me like his queen, loves me for me more than anything in the world, and can handle all the shit I never mean to throw at him. He not only can't sing, dance, or act, but hates even the thought of dancing. He is not really artistic but has a logical mind and speaks a whole another language of English I couldn't really understand for the longest time. Then I realized that my ideal was not my ideal. I actually prefer larger men with bellies and I get along better with my total opposite. We have for the most part similar goals, principles, child rearing ideas, and so many other things in common. We don't even like the same shows or movies. Every other activity we can agree on cost too much to do and the free activity is well never the way we imagine it to be. Though it is fun to try. I am the luckest bitch in the world.

I love my hubby so much and all my other friends. The people in my life right now are what makes me truly happy. There were so many years when no one, no one at all cared for me (or so I thought cause they didn't tell me otherwise). It truly is a blessing to feel loved by family and friends even if it doesn't always go the way you think it will or want it to. Usually things go very different from what we expect. I think the key to happiness is in your mindset, how you deal with situations as they come, and your attitude choices. Just go with the flow, roll with the punches so you don't get hurt, don't let things bother you so much, and when they do stand up for yourself calmly, rationally, and sternly. Much love to you all. Peace.

Bad Birthdays and Weird Dreams

I am not only going to be on my time of the month for my birthday tomorrow but my mom's friends will be invading the household and we all got to focus on Uncle J's retirement party. I am so bummed. I just hope I can still dance with all these cramps buggin me. We are also all far too broke to do anything fun for my birthday and the only fun thing that is free is totally out of the question with all this going on at once. a total bummer. Oh, well by now I should be used to bad birthdays. The last real good one I can remember was when I turned 9. Most other years I was sick, broke, in a foster home, or at the children's shelter. As an adult, sick and broke is enough to get me down on my birthday. I am hoping next year will be better. Next b-day I will be old enough to rent a car on my own. Woopteedoo.

Today, even though I am bummed about tomorrow, cramped, and use the bathroom every two hours or so, I am in a better mood than yesterday. I went to bed earlier and I think that may have helped. I believe I will go to bed early again tonight.

Not last night but the night before I kept waking up every hour then rolling over and going back to sleep. I had a different dream every time I did this. Most were normal (well normal for me I should say) but one was down right horrible. I was at a circus watching the show then started being apart of the different acts in the ring. I had a lot of friends and it felt like I had been apart of the team for a long time. We were like a family. I liked to hang out with the clowns and i got the sense that several years were passing by. One day after a show I got a pet newborn puppy. I was so cute. I was so happy to have a pet puppy I took it everywhere I went. I put it in my jeans pocket. Sometimes it turned into a beanie baby puppy. Then a bit of logic creeped into my dream and I asked myself what would happened to a real new born puppy if put into a jeans pocket than I sat down at a restaurant booth and wondered if the puppy was real or a beanie. So I get puppy out of my pocket and at first it was a blurry image of a beanie put then turned into a real one and It had a broken neck! It was still alive and twitching. I burst into tears and screamed. I blubbered out to my clown friends, "What do I do? Help me! What have I done? I didn't mean to!" They told me to hurry up and break its neck all the way so it wouldn't suffer to death. I tried but couldn't. I told them I wasn't strong enough to do it, please help me. Then I woke up in tears and reached out for hubby who wasn't there. I told myself I was being stupid, that I am an adult, and it was only a dream. I roll over again and went to sleep wondering what the next dream would be. Thankfully if I had anymore after that I don't remember.

Last night I had a dream that my little sis and I got a new job at this huge company in the middle of Nowheresville. We liked our jobs and had a nice boss. It was my job to drive cars around and park them in the right spots. It was her job to make sure I didn't get lost along the way or stranded anywhere. I got to drive anything from high end cars to really gigantic trucks. I had to park them mostly inside the warehouses where the lines were. Back them up, turn them around, and make sure they all fit properly like that game Tetris. There was a hill nearby and I got to fly down that thing. It was a lot of fun. I got to show off my driving and parking skills to a cute co-worker of ours. We both like him but he only looked at lil sis but only talk to me. He was interested in her and nervous about it. I naturally didn't like that but I accepted it. One day after flying a mustang down the hill, I moved on to the truck parking chores, and Sis wanted to try switching roles for a change. The boss said it was ok but don't hit anything or cause any trouble. She got into the semi and started backing it up to line it up against the polls without hitting them or the one in the back. I guess in my dream those were safety polls around the spots that weren't there when I was behind the wheel. Well she did park it but it took forever and it was still crooked. We all light heartedly about it. The cute coworker walked by and saw the parking job while she was climbing out of the driver's seat. He said he hadn't noticed it was such a tricky task and she should go back to the job she is good at. Her face turned red and I felt sorry for her. I stopped liking him after that but teased her about her "boyfriend" ooooo. We laughed again and continued our job. We really liked our job and that we got to work together. The sun was out. There was a great view of the desert and mountains. We chatted while we worked until it was time to go home. Home was a really big house with so many rooms it could have been a hotel. It was absolutely gorgeous everywhere in the house. We shared it with some if the other workers and enjoyed the company especially when it was time to eat at the table or out in the patio or deck or backyard. It was a nice happy dream. I am glad of that.

As everyone who knows me knows I have a lot to say and could type to you all day but I will spare you and just go play chess now. I hope all of your days and nights are well.

Miki

P.S. You all better get me presents. For ideas I made a list. You can ask hubby to see it.

Just One Of Them Days

It's when someone cuts you off so close and fast they almost hit you. All you can do is honk your displeasure at him but that solves nothing and may make things worse.

It's when you wake up in the morning to find out it's day one of your period. That for the rest of the day you will be hormonal and have bad cramps. All that can be done is let it flow.

Its when at the end of the day comes round and you take your night time meds. You can't help but think, "I just about have a whole pharmacy in my body and I am still not very sane."

What do I do? Huh? So I wrote a stupid poem about it. Here goes.

Stress

You can laugh, you can cry.

Some people just sigh.

What can I do?

Instead of idiot flogging,

I go for blogging.

No matter what you try,

Even if it's good bye,

I find it best to,

Just get over it by sobbing.

I told you it was a stupid poem but if it makes one feel better what the hell right?

To count my blessings Chicago Pizza has the best damn pizza in the whole wide world.

Too Much

I have been furthring my education about grants, loans, and real estate investing. There is way too much information about it all! What gets me is tat the majority is so much shit. All that filtering just to get to the good stuff takes way too long. At least I have found some good stuff and I am glad I have already been educated on some matters of the subjects or I'd fall for some of the crap out there.

What really gets me though is that the program we came up with for our corporation is a real idea that is diffinatly possible and certianly NOT one ounce of a scam yet it sounds like one because we made everything so simple for the people working with us they can't believe we would do all the work and still WANT to pay them their return or what ever is their part in the contract. We want to because we get a piece out of the whole transaction too they just do not understand exaclty how. People, does it really matter to you how? Well it matters to me how because everything MUST and I do mean must be 100% legal for our company to be a huge as we are setting it all up to be.

We didn't just pull this idea out of our asses! We've been really hard at work for the last two years creating the concepts and building the foundation our company stands on. This is no small thing we are doing that is why I am so broke all the time. Everything in us is going to our efforts to help others so we can help ourselves. I sure as hell hope you all get that message through your heads. WE REALLY DO CARE!!!!! We must care in order to make this work for everyone and we want to care. It is who we are.

In real life I am a horrable lier ask anyone who knows me well. I just can't do it. Sure on stage I am fake. I am playing a character not myself. I change the outside not the inside. The roll on stage is supposed to stay on stage. I am me in real life and refuse to be anything else but myself. I wish to lead a happy life so doing or saying anything wrongful would compromise that happiness. Not going to happen. At least not knowingly.

I love everyone too much. Everything is just too much. My head is far too full of too much stuff. My room, too much stuff. My life too much stuff. I only wish there was a better and faster way to filter out all the crap in all those places we have in our lives. I seem to have only a few tools to use that may help.

Little Sleezars Idiots

A few days ago my hubby went to Little Sleezars for some cheep pizza and came back. When he looked in the boxes there was to peperonies. He is a veggy only so he was pissed cause he didn't have the energy to take it back for the two cheese. They already made him wait 20 min for what is sopposed to be a "Hot-and-Ready". That and it would take extra gass. So I said I would do it and would demand to keep the wrong ones for payment of the extra gass, time and hardship. I thought it only fair.

So, in I walk in nothing but a through over plain brown dress my sister thinks looks like a potato sack on me and look right at the guy behid the counter. I calmly and cooly say, "Ok sir, I'm going to say this as calmy and as clearly as possible for you. My husband asked for two cheese and these here are two peperonies. Now, I would like you to fix this by giving me my two owed pizzas so all would be forgiven." He said he didn't remember a guy like my husband comming in here and asked when he was there. Since I had the pizzas with me in hand, uneaten, and warm I tried not to look and him like he was a total idiot.
I told him in a business lady like manner that it was just 15-20min ago cause he'd just gotten home when I left to come back here. He still did't remember my husband. I told him still calm and cool like that I didn't care whether he did or not I still wanted my pizza corrected. He then said that my husband didn't specify what kind of Hot-and-Ready he wanted. I though to myself, "Oh, right, now he all of a sudden remembers not only that he was there but what he said too! God, what an idiot! Don't change your expression, self, I know it is funny but don't laugh at the poor bastard." He then askes for the other two wrong pizzas back. I said I was going to keep them. He said with an attitud, "Then I can't fix your order for you. Sorry."

That was when he hung himself. I told him that it is not good business practice to argue with a custumer, that I was entitled to them because I had to waste my resources for their mistake. "Call your manager now please." (hehehe I so got him now. Evil grin inside my head ) He was all too happy to. He had no idea how to deal with me on any level. I spoke like a true business woman to his lady manager, explained that her employee was rude, disrespectful, and argued with me. I told her how the order was wrong, we are loyal customers, and everything short sweet and to the point. Her response, "Oh, uh...wow...uh, ok I'll fix it. Did he put your other pizzas in the oven yet?" I think, "Oh come on lady how should I know I'm not behind that counter! Duh." I tell her she can speek to her empolyee about that.

I show up back at home with four pizzas. Nobody messes with this bitch, her family, or their food!

A Small Joke

I did a security check and said, "So there are 5 of you in this room?" and they said "No. You missed one. One sliped by you." I asked who. they said, "You! You make 6 people! haha got you!" I love these folks. They is kool

Lunch Times

At lunch I was walking down the hallway to the vending machine. I get there I look around. People are as far from that thing as they can be. They have this look on their faces like, "How can you really eat that shit? No wonder you're fat." I think of an answer to their unspoken question. Unspoken because this lab has nothing but conservative well mannered Asian folks who would never want to offend. I love these people they make me laugh. My answer is: Do you want the short answer or the long answer?" See I think to much and I always have several answers. I try to choose the right ones but sometimes the others pop out of my mouth first. The short answer is we are what we eat and I eat shit, therefore I am shit. And, since I am shit that gets me to eat more shit and thus the cycle continues.

Shit Thoughts

Actually New Years Day

You ever have a day where your thoughts just swim and whirl around in your head and you have no idea what they are doing there? Yeah, me neither. I just wanted to see if I was- I mean you were sane. Yeah, that's right hehe. I don't know where my head is right now only that it is as full of snot as my nose. So my thoughts are jumping all over the place. Random shit time. If any of this makes sense let me know. It's not supposed to but you never know. Have you ever tried to blow your nose, cough and spit up crap, dry your watery eyes, find and pop in a cough drop and keep your head screwed on straight while driving? Yeah, me neither (yesterday). I tell ya it is not safe to drive while that friggin sick. Sometimes when I am awake in bed trying to fall asleep my brain decides it will turn on now. Random thoughts and images just pop in there of their own accord. Babies, pink, bubbles, ketchup, shit, diapers, a yellow bus, a big scary monster, cheese, cartoons, butterflies, a museum, butts, horses, brown, leaf, tree, tree, tree tree, tree, line, line, line, line, movie, Jason, John, Johnny, I gotta pee, what the hell now, I need to fuckin go to sleep, hmm fucking, would that put me to sleep faster, I don't really care, what about my bills, what about them, I DON'T WANT THEM SAM I AM! I WILL NOT PAY THEM SO DAMN! I love life but sometimes it sucks. I think it's kinda supposed to though so we learn shit or something. At what point are we done learning some of those lessons if that is the case. My ear hurts. I'm tired. Good Night. You know they say that how your New Years day goes is going to reflect onto the rest of your year. If that is true then I will sleep, drive, and be very sick all year.

Vacation Sort Of

Well, let's see, where do we start? Originally, we were supposed to start the trip on Friday but then Hubby said I would be happier if I got to go dancing first (He was so right) so we were to go after dancing. But then the car wasn't quite yet up to par so we needed to take care of that on Saturday and leave then. So on Friday the 28^th, (Mom's birthday) I called her that morning while at work, packed for tomorrow, then went dancing. That was a great night of dancing. It was like I was floating on air. I got to dance my favorite dance (the Bolero) each time it played even if it wasn't for the full song it was spectacular. They were all my favorite songs for that dance too. I danced with my best friend for two of them. It was perfect, he is a great dancer with such a smooth rhythm. One with an ex teacher there that I have always crushed on, and one with someone I have always thought a good dancer who is very shy but an exquisite leader. Some people like the ex teacher and my old teacher I just always make a fool of myself in front of. I don't know why cause I never get shy or nervous. I am an extravert who is loud and enjoys attention in most all forms. I have no trouble telling people I have a crush on them (these two guys defiantly know it) but around them I am such an idiot. It's like my brain just goes out the window. I think my inability to control myself or sanity around those two has to do with the fact that they are in the unobtainable category. They would never go for a girl like me. I am not their type.

On Saturday we got the car fixed, packed our stuff, and loaded in the car. We left at about 4pm. So off schedule. We got to our friend's house along the way and was so tired we used the hot tub and crashed. He cooked us a great dinner. He made the best chicken ever, mashed potatoes, peas, salad, and spaghetti. I ate a bunch of everything but the salad. He said, "Have you two eaten at all this week?" Well we hadn't really and what we did put in our bellies was not good so we were very grateful for a home cooked meal like that. He used to be a chef and he told us many good stories of cool stuff he's done.

Then Hubby had trouble breathing (friend smokes) and he said we should get back on the road if we can't sleep. I couldn't breathe or sleep either but that was because I got really sick and my nose was stuffed. It was 2 am or so and we got back on the road and headed North. We switched drivers every so often and continued through rain, hail, snow, ice, black ice, dense fog, and wind. I think we got through just about all the weather you can have on the west coast. When the sun came up it was dry and sunny for the next few days. That was nice for the drive home on Tuesday.

So, we got to Idaho sometime after 2pm. For those of you who didn't do the math that was 12 hours on the road. We only stopped to pee and eat a bit. We found mom's house and parked across from her a bit, got out of the car and called her as we were walking towards the house. Now, my stepdad was in the back yard less than 35 feet away from us and didn't see a thing. I called mom on the phone and asked her if she received the package I sent her yet cause UPS was supposed to have delivered it today. She said It's Sunday. The mail don't travel on Sundays. I said Priority UPS does. They are a big important company. Maybe it was left on your front porch. Can you go and check for me please? She said ok but you'll have to hang on while I put down the phone and go look. I said Ok, hung up after she put the phone down, got out my camera, and waited til the door opened. Mom looked down then over at us and took a snapshot of her reaction. She was like, "Oh! You're here! How did you do that? You're actually here! What a dirty trick with calling me to go check like that. It totally worked! How smart! Wow! Did you drive all this way? Or fly?" She was in such a state of shock it was great. We had UPS stickers on our foreheads read, "To: Mom, From: Santa" and we said that Santa gave us a ride in his slay. Don't we have great connections? Oh, we laughed so hard. We took them out to eat then mom was still in so much shock she ushered us to go to our hotel and sleep while she gets used to the idea that we drove all that way for her and we need our sleep.

The next day we went over there in the afternoon after a nice quiet morning and took them to see Alvin in the theaters then out for more food. We went back to the hotel and made a gingerbread house while we watched Harry Potter 5. It was fun. I was still very sick so I only touched the bag with the icing. During the end of the movie it just sort of slid apart. Just drooped then fell down. It was so funny. We laughed so hard and made jokes about our attempt.

We were all tired so we said our good byes, took mom home and went to bed. The next morning we set off towards home after the continental breakfast. There was a guy in the lobby with a huge gash on his head. When I asked him how that happened he said that a big chunk of ice flew off the truck in front of him, went through his windshield and hit him right in the head three days ago. He told me to stay away from trucks with ice on top on the way home. I said what a vision I'll be safe thanks happy new year.

On the drive home I wrote most of the last few blogs. Then went to bed after the long haul. I was even more sick than before and passed out.

Hold On Tight

Well, as you all know I use this blog like a sort of diary or journal and I am a very busy woman with hardly any time to post anything or type anything so my next few entries is me catching up so to say. You may want to get a cup of coffee, sit back and take a load off for a bit cause it may take a while to read all this catching up of mine.

I wrote most of the next few entries on the way back from a trip where I couldn't reach the net so I am copying from Word. That and I was and am very sick while typing all this so thoughts may be a bit jumbled.