Rainy Days

Sunday I went to work again and it rained the whole time. It has been raining a lot this weekend. I got to meet the patrol driver. She is nice and very helpful. She brought me some stuff I needed like some cards, some incident report cards, some chalk and the field handbook. You should see me in my uniform, I get to carry handcuffs and everything it is pretty cool. The rest of the job is boring but I am good at it and I get paid so it is all good.

I stopped writing my book at about ten thousand words or so. I do have an idea for my next book though. It is way too big an idea at the moment so I need to file it down to details.

I got sick from being out in the rain on Sunday. Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat. I watched movies all day. Today I am not sure what I want to do yet. But my head is all stuffy and I am not sure what I can do anyway. I think I will try and sleep as much as possible so I can get better by work tomorrow.

I can't believe I was roped in to working tomorrow and Thursday right over Christmas. I also have to work on New Years Eve. I hope that I get to work the morning shift and get to hitch a ride with the San Jose crowd to save my poor car. Working in Santa Cruz is not as bad as I thought it would be but it is hard on my car. I have a head ach now so I am going to go now. I hope you have a good Christmas.

New Old Job

On Monday I went to the main office in Santa Cruz for to get my paperwork done and get a uniform as a rehire for the same company that I just

got let go from. So basically, I am working for my old company but through a
new office. Then on Tuesday morning at ten am I went back to the office and my boss had me follow him to the shopping center I will be working at then he took me to the uniform place to order another shirt. I needed a short sleeve shirt and the guy that helped me out with the sizes was really nice and helped me put on my belt buckle things. You know those little clasp things that hold the big over belt to the smaller belt so they don’t fall down, well mine were new and very difficult to snap into place so it was very nice of him to help me put them on.

Anyway after getting fitted at the uniform place my boss
took me back to the shopping center where I met Bob who trained me for the rest of the day on how to patrol the site and everything. There are a lot of shops
to look after and I am only one person so I am not sure how they expect me to
catch everything. I am supposed to tow cars that have been in the twenty minute
parking more than twenty minutes. I am not sure how I should time all those
cars when I am doing my rounds and taking care of other things. I am also
supposed to tow cares that have been in the parking lot for more than three
hours. Again I am not sure how to time all those cars. Bob told me it is not
really all that big of a deal. He said the skateboarders are more of a problem
as well as the kids that hang out an KFC and cause a bunch of problems.

Wednesday I went on a few errands and got us all a Christmas
tree. It is between seven and eight feet tall and is perfect. I got the best
one in the lot. I went to Lucky’s to get the tree and they didn’t have much of
a selection. Other things I did that day was I got food for Hubby, and Becca
came over. I got hubby some stuffed crazy bread and some Italian cheese bread
from Little Sleezers. Becca and I did some belly dancing, she opened her mail and
we sang Christmas carols. It was a good visit.

Yesterday I hung out with my little sister’s ex. He wanted some company because he is lonely. He wanted to watch a movie and he needed some help with some of his furniture. So first he was hungry and I was too a bit so we went to Taco Bell to get some food (if you can call it food). Then we went back to his place to eat the food at his brand new kitchen table. I got a burrito supreme and a soft taco and he shared his nachos with me. After that it was time to watch the movie. While I was waiting for him to put the movie in I took out my earring to clean it and then I dropped it. It took a while to find it again. He said that it was a like a goal for the women in our family to annoy him. I thought that was funny. After I found the earring we watched the movie. We saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. He had never seen it before and it was one of his Netflix. After the movie we saw the deleted scenes, then I helped him move his dresser into the closet and then I came home.

Today the only things I have done so far was eat some corn
bread, drink some coffee, took my pills, and am now blogging. Hubby and I are
thinking of moving to New York in April. Our friends are moving there and invited
us to go along with them and we would like to go with them. It is cheaper to
live on the East side and there is an acting school in New York that cost an
arm and a leg to go to but we are still hoping and working towards getting at
least one of our companies started before then. I will miss everything and
everyone here but that is the way things go. Well, I better get to work on
something now.

What is up with me

Our printer is broken so I can't print this out yet but I figured I'd write something anyway. I just went dancing again today and it was a bit boring. The class was fun because I got to see one of my favorite teachers' and I did a good job in learning how to lead the two step and the west coast swing.

I feel like typing but I can't seem to think of anything to put in my book. I am way, way behind in my writing. I went hiking again today and yesterday. This time we went up hill to a more difficult rout but it was still three miles. Yesterday I saw my teacher from Starlite at the walking park. That was cool. We had a chance to chat a bit about it today during class. I am supposed to go to the half way party this Sunday for National Novel Writing Month. I am supposed to go to Kiva on Saturday but I don't know if we will make it.

I bought these two CDs from Roger yesterday and they were supposed to have really cool Zumba music in them but when I got home and listened to them they really sucked. Only one song out of the whole thing was good. I all ready had two of the songs on it. It really bothers me that I paid for something that really sucks. I want my money back but I will probably end up reselling them. Well, I better try and write more of my book now.

F***ed Up Interview

I had an interview on Sunday for a tutoring position and they hired me on the spot so I tutored the kid for an hour then went home. Everything went great and they told me to come back tomorrow. Then the very same day they call me up and fire me! They tell me I no longer need to show up tomorrow. How crappy is that? She said she still wants to pay me for Sunday so she will send it in the mail.

I have been listening to a bunch of west coast swings on my computer lately and it has been nice.

I have been working on my book and I am up to 5,741 words which is not nearly enough for where I should be. I need to get to 25,000 words by Saturday.

Lots of Exercise

I had a class today with my new student. This was our second class. He did his very first Tango and he showed me some Salsa that his friend showed him and it was nice. I am going to have to learn some more tango and some more salsa in order to keep up with teaching. He also wanted to learn the Argentine Tango and I don't know it so I'm going to have to learn it. I went dancing 4 times this week. I went on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to Starlite.

I also have been going hiking almost every day this week. It was easier to do today. I have my good days and my bad days when it comes to hiking.

Hubby and I have discovered a new milkshake at Denny's called a Plain White Shake. It has a piece of white chocolate in it and a piece of cheesecake in it. It is really good but we can't have it very often because it is full of all the things we are not supposed to have while trying to lose weight.

I met a new friend on Friday night at Starlite. I met him first through Ok Cupid online. I have a few people I chat with online but I really liked chatting with this friend so I thought it a good idea to meet him. He said he was a good dancer but he doesn't know Ballroom yet. I guess I would have to teach him if he were up to it of course.

New Student

Hi, I got a new student last night at about eight o'clock. He got the ten lesson package with two payments so I got the first payment yesterday and I'll get the second payment after the fifth lesson. He did a good job yesterday. We started out with me teaching him the two-step and then we moved on to the rumba and then I showed him the salsa. He has better rhythm then he gives himself credit for.

I had a lesson with my old student today and he did a great job. We worked on intermediate and advanced bolero and intermediate and advanced salsa. We are going through these dances way too quickly so I will have to continue taking classes at Starlite in order to keep up. He learns fast.

Hubby is now back from helping my sister with moving and he is really sore but doing well. I missed him so much while he was gone. I hung out with one friend on Saturday and another friend on Sunday to keep myself occupied but it was mostly boring. All I did was play games and watch movies. My favorite part of this weekend was when I was chatting with a new friend from Ok Cupid while working on my book. I am up to six thousand words or so now and I have a ways to go. I must refine the majority of those words though because they are not my own. I don't want to plagiarize so I have much work to do in the refinement of my book.

I have another interview today for a nanny position for a ten hour a day shift. I hope I get the job. I'll let you know how it is going later.

I got a new cable for my mp3 player to connect to my boom box so I no longer have to make CDs for my lessons. I am happy about that.

I get to have lunch with a friend tomorrow whom I haven't seen in a long while so I am excited about that. I hope my friend doesn't forget that I am coming over.

Well I have to do some laundry now so I better go. More later.

Halloween

I had so much fun on Halloween! I went dancing at Starlite in my Ren Fair costume and people liked it. Then I went to the First Minute Write In at Denny's for National Novel Writing Month. There was a lot of people at both gatherings and I had fun. I wrote 477 words the first hour of the contest. Today I wrote about up to 6,198 words. Not many of the words are mine, I took a lot from the bible and I am not sure the story is turning out the way I wanted it to but I am getting through it. I'll be going dancing again tonight so I can practice for my student.

Yesterday was a slow day, I watched a movie and took a nap and chatted with a few friends online. Not much to report at the moment. Oh, I do have another potential student I'll be meeting tomorrow, and a phone interview for a nanny position. I also have another interview on Tuesday night for another nanny job.

Dancing and Walking

Well, last week Hubby and I started walking everyday. Our goal is at least two to three miles per day. I think we started last Wednesday or Thursday. Over the weekend on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I went dancing in top of the walking so I got very tired this weekend and sore too. This Wednesday I went to Zumba class on top of the walking so I was very sore by the end of that. Then Hubby and I undid some of the good exorcise and got milkshakes at Denny's. They were very good white chocolate, cheesecake milkshakes. I know I shouldn't have but we did anyway. Since I went dancing all those days it made the class with my student go easier. I am glad about that. It was a smooth good lesson.

I have this new account on this site called Ok Cupid, my profile name is VioletSunGoddess. I put up a profile because everyone else has one. It is a site that matches people together but better than eHarmony. That site sucks because they don't let you on if you don't fit in their little box of how they think you should be. Ok Cupid is way cooler and much better because it lets you be as different as you want and still is fun to be on. I am still answering match questions so far I am only a 72% match with Hubby but it will go up as I keep answering questions. I took all sorts of fun tests like:

The Dating Persona Test I am The Playstation (RGSM); The Slut Test I am a 65% slut; The Ultimate Sex Appeal For Women Test I am Sufficiently Sexy; The What Baggage Am I Lugging Test I am Carry-on; Are You Good In Bed?. I am The Sexmaster!; The Personality Defect Test I am the Televangelist; The Sexual Turn-ons Test I am The Libidinous Lover ; The how hardcore do you like it Test I am morality riddled...; The what kind of sex do you like Test I am YOUR JUST AVERAGE; The Really Embarassing Stuff Test I am Not Too Embarassing; The 20 Question Sexual Experience Test I am the Rebel ; The Nudity Test I am Nudie Phil Hide; The Am I a Nudist? Test I am the Nudist!; The how fuckable are you? Test I am the " The Punching bag"; The Sick and Twisted Test I am 13% twisted!; The second shortest test ever! I am Balanced; The What type of MAN turns you on Test I scored the Classic scorcher; The Lover Style Profile Test I am The Carnal Lover; The Sexuality Spectrum Test I am Bi/Slightly Straight; The Which Wife of Henry VIII Are You Test I am Katherine Parr!; The purity test for normal people I am Your mum would be proud (and so would your dad!)

So those are the test I have taken so far and my scores. They are just for fun though.

I finally have an outline for the book I am writing but I need to make it better still. The idea came from Hubby so I am going to dedicate this book to him since he though it up in the first place. Well, that is it for now.

More tests from OkCupid

Your result for The What type of MAN turns you on Test...
Classic scorcher



You have picked my personal favorite type of man. Yes, man, not boy. The all-American and then some. You admire a buff body and manly features but someone who knows how to bathe himself and even though he's a scorcher, you could still bring him home to mom - as long as she keeps her hands off! Someone this hot would be......Victor Webster. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

Take The What type of MAN turns you on Test at HelloQuizzy

Took Another Test On Ok Cupid

Your result for The Lover Style Profile Test...
The Carnal Lover



Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:



You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.



This places you in the Lover Style of: The Carnal Lover.



The Carnal Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, though it is often confused with terms like "player" or even "slut." The Carnal Lover is not necessarily either of those things (though sometimes is) but is instead a lover of life, romance and pleasure. The Carnal Lover is a treasure to find, though can sometimes be difficult to keep happy once found, because a Carnal Lover often loves a variety-filled life.



In terms of physical love, the Carnal Lover tends to be dynamic and driven, and can therefore be quite pleasurable. Given the right motivation, and the right lover, the Carnal Lover can be a delight in bed.



Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Surprising Lover (most of all) or the Devoted Lover, or the Liberated Lover.



Congratulations!



If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following:

Took This Test on Ok Cupid...

Your result for The Sexuality Spectrum Test...
Bi/Slightly Straight



For the most part, you are bisexual. You have a slight preference for the opposite sex, but either sex would suit you. If you are sexually inexperienced, it is possible that this will change after you do some experimenting.

Take The Sexuality Spectrum Test at HelloQuizzy

Busy Days and Dancing on the Brain

Well, have I been busy lately! I had no idea that starting your own company could be so much work. I am in the research stage and learning how to start a business. There is a lot of paperwork and forms to fill out in order to be a company. Every year you have at least four tax forms to fill out and then there is the quarterly tax and the employer tax and every other kind if tax you can think of. There is even a tax if your company has a truck on the road that is over a certain weight limit. They say those taxes go to maintenance of the roads and highways.

I changed my medicine again. I am no longer on one of them and am taking iron pills instead because I found out a few weeks ago when I went to give blood at a blood drive that I have an iron deficiency. At the blood drive Hubby and I also got free back massages and gift certificates for two more free massages at their clinic. We also got two free tickets to the movies and two free tickets to Peet's Coffee. For my drink I got a caramel latte with extra vanilla pumps and extra caramel. Hubby got some cold dark chocolate thing.

We went in to get our massages at the clinic with the same girl that was at the blood drive. We were late to the appointment so I only got about fifteen minutes and it wasn't all that good. My arm fell asleep. Then it was Hubby's turn for his 30min massage which turned out to be only 20 min because she took a five minute break before and after giving the massage. While it was Hubby's turn I went in to talk to the doctor about my back problems. He was nice. He gave me an adjustment that made me feel better. He put my hip back into place and cracked my neck for me. Hubby said that it was the first time anyone ever gave him an adjustment. He didn't like it very much but then again he got his before the massage and I got mine after.

For the last two weeks or so I have been thinking about nothing but our business, my ballroom dancing and belly-dancing. I have a student now that I am teaching Ballroom lessons to. His name is Mike and he is a good student who learns fast. He learns so fast that I am afraid he may surpass my abilities to teach him pretty soon. He already paid for 20 lessons so I only hope that I can do right by my student and continue teaching him properly. I may have to use the money for lessons of my own in order to keep up with him. The first lesson went well, we worked on the Two-Step, the Bachata, and the Hustle. He seems to want to stick with those dances. The second lesson went a lot like the first only faster and we worked on the same three dances. He needs to work on his Latin hips. I need to dance more often, it is a good work out.
I had an interview with a family for a nanny job. They have two beautiful kids one is almost three and she is very smart and their little boy is six months old. He has the most adorable eyes. During the interview the little girl took off all her clothes and started screeming at the top of her little lungs, and boy was that loud. They thought I would be running out the door at the sight of her. She was a little terror but she didn't scare me a bit. I don't know if I want this job because they are about 20 miles away. Well, that is all for now.

Interesting People

At my new post at the grocery store I get to see a lot of interesting people. There was this one old guy with a really long beard with the last three quarters of it dyed bright orange. One guy I saw with long hair that was braided into two braids swung over the sides of his shoulders. When I looked closer at him I saw that the braids were not just over his shoulders but woven through his big ringed ear lobes. I just though one tug on those long braids and … ouch! One guy looked like Abe Lincoln. One guy looked like Jesus with dread locks only I think he works there. One girl had cute animal ears on her helmet. One little old Asian lady had a blue cart that was as big as she was. It looked so cute seeing her push it. I saw a cute Asian guy in a military suit. There was this one person (well in San Francisco there are many) who I couldn't figure out if they were a he or a she. Now normally when I play the "He or She" game with the people in San Francisco I look at them until I can pick one. Normally I look for boobs or no boobs. It is not as easy as it sounds because some females are flat chested. But this one person was a bit over weight had real boobs, not man boobs, but real ones , dirty dark blonde hair about a half an inch pass the shoulders, jeans, a grey shirt, and a red hat. I'm thinking it's a girl. Then the person turns around and I see a goatee on their chin. So I ask again, a he or a she? The person walked like a guy but had boobs and was shopping with a guy but that doesn't help. I see all sorts of couples and family members in that store. By the time they left the store I still couldn't figure it out. My favorite person to watch was a guy with a top hat dressed like a magician. He was a handsome man and acted like a gentleman.

There are other things I watch while standing there at the entrance of the store trying not to get too bored. For 20 minutes or so I watched this one little boy do hand stands and cartwheels. I count how many people have over the shoulder bags as opposed to backpacks or purses. Some people have more than one over the shoulder bag. Yesterday there was a near accident right in front of me when I was at the parking garage. A car was leaving my lot when some guy was running passed the entrance. The car almost hit the poor guy.

I am so gullible sometimes. Yesterday I got talked into buying a badge that says I am in security and a CD from the other guard on post. The CD is of him and his band I think. I was just having an off day yesterday. I was cold and tired so I got talked into giving up $10. Oh well. I'll just have to be more careful and say no next time.

This week I have had 5 bug bites bugging me a whole lot. I don't know if they got me while I was at the constructions site or while I was sleeping at home in bed. Just one day they all popped up and started driving me crazy all at once.

Another of my paychecks bounced only this time the bank cashed it before verifying it. What happened was my gullible self got talked into opening an account with Bank of America because they said that there is a deal with my company that says I get a free checking account and it would save me the five dollars that it would normally cost to cash my check. What they didn't tell me was the way they got around the five dollar fee was to deposit the check into the account the immediately withdraw it and give it to me. They said it was for my convenience that they make the funds available to me right away. I said that in this case it was not convenient for me to have an account with you because the check should not have been cashed without prior verification. So I went to the bank and asked them to fix it and they said they could only wait for the replacement check. So I called up my company and told them to send me a replacement check. I am still waiting for it to show up so I can fix all this mess.

Bad News and Good News

Not last Sunday but the Sunday before I was a work and I was time to go home so I got into my car and turned the key. Nothing happened. I tried again, nothing happened. Damn! My car won't start. I had two options: Call mom and have her drive all the way over to my work and help me jump he thing, or ask one of the workers on the construction site o help me. Boy, was I lucky there were guys working at my site that day. I asked if one of them could help me and they were nice enough to let me borrow one of their guys and trucks for a minute. He tried twice to jump it and my car finally started. Great, now I am going to have o find a way to get it to the shop. I parked the car at home in backwards so another car could easily jump it again if need be. Apparently, my parking job was impressive.

So last Thursday afternoon Mom helps us jump the car and then meets me down at the auto shop and the car goes in for work. The good news is that the battery was loose and only needed tightening for it to start. The bad news is the breaks were really bad and so was one of my belts. To replace both the front and back breaks and the belt cost me over $500 that I didn't have so I borrowed it from Mom. Nice lady she is.

The next day was Friday and the car was ready in the morning. In order to pick it up we had to take Mom to work in Dublin so Hubby and I would have the extra car so we woke up at 6am or so for that. Then we went to pick up the car, then we went to the bank, then we went grocery shopping and got home just in time for me to get ready for work that started at 1:30 but was about an hour and 15 minutes away. I already had a full day before having to go to work. I was tired.

So my car needing repairs was the bad news. The good news is that I got my boss to finally give me more hours! I am now working full time with three extra days added to the two I already have. My new post is at a grocery store in San Francisco which means I now commute three days a week. I can't wait to see my next pay check.

There are interesting people in San Francisco. One old lady actually screeched like a banshee and clawed her hand out because she did not like how long she had to wait for her cab. One old guy had shit locks right on the top of his head that were just as grey as his natural hair. One lady had hot pink dread locks. And there was his one guy who looked like a completely normal nerdy kind of white guy only he was dressed in all Goth minus the make up and had on a kilt to go with it. Not one part of him made any sense looking at him. And everyone had tattoos or piercings. Now I am not judging these people I am only commenting that on the job I get to see interesting things. One of the people that works at the store has black hair underneath and blond hair on top with bright red long tips, two piercings in her lip with hoops that looked like reverse vampire teeth, and a leopard print dress. I thought she looked pretty and exotic at the same time. It was hard not to look at her though because she looked like she was in her early 40s or late 30s. I love people, they are always so entertaining.

Until Later

I am sorry I haven't blogged in a while, I just got more hours at work! More on that later. Love you all!

Stich and Bitch

I joined this group of ladies and my home park called Stitch and Bitch where we do just that, we stitch and we bitch. I have been to two meetings already and I bring the blanket I have been working on since I was 12. They all said it was pretty. Other ladies did cross stitching, knitting, and other things. Most of the ladies there are old ladies so there is a huge age gap there since I am the only one under 60 or so. We all bring our lunches and after about two hours of working on our projects and talking we eat them. Next week the group will all go out for lunch. I was also invited to brown bag on Tuesdays where we just bring a sack lunch and eat it and socialize. They said they will throw me a party when I finish my blanket. I can only go to these things as long as I don't have a job though. The second I get a better job I will miss it.

I have also been playing on the XBOX this game called Dark Alliance. So far Hubby and I beat the game on easy, two player mode and I have my own game where I go t to this point where I cannot go any further. It is just to hard for me to get past. There is also this new level called the Gauntlet that Hubby has been trying to beat but it is very difficult. It won't let you save in between but you must start at the beginning every time you die. It is not easy at all.

Hubby and I played Scotland Yard yesterday. I got to play Mr. X the first time and I came so close to winning. I was only about two or three moves away from getting away with it all and winning. Then we played a second game and Hubby got to play Mr. X and I was all the detectives. I was chasing him around the board and blocking him off and cornering him but then I ran out of the right moves and he found a way to be within one to three spaces away from me at all times without getting caught. I was so, so very close to winning but he beat me again. Oh well. Today we may play another game of some kind.

I continue to try and find a better job. Hubby said I am not putting enough effort into it. I do tend to get distracted while I am on line at times. I try not to be. I also have been working on my website. Hubby said if I do it right then it could make a lot of money. I hope so. It also has my resume so I can perhaps get a better job in the meantime. I have much editing to do on my pages. So far it is not very good. I hope I can get a better job soon.

Banks and Bucks and Batman

Well, this week I had to deal with the bank several times. Ok, so here's the story. I get a check in the mail from my job and I am very happy. "Yeah! I have money now!" I say to my hubby and we are happy. I go to the bank and deposit the check and then we get food and a few other needed items. Hubby later goes to check my account online and low and behold we learn the check had been returned! My account is now overdraft. Now I am very not happy. So I go down to the bank again and ask them what the hell happened (well, in a nice way) and they told me that the check got rejected. I wonder how the hell my company could have issued me a bad check. There was one other possibility that it didn't go through because I didn't sign the back of the check but no one really thinks that was the case. So, I call up my job and ask them to issue me another check. I wait a whole week before it arrives in the mail while in the meantime each day I am overdraft I am racking up fees at the bank. I am going nuts at this point because I cannot afford an arm and a leg of bank fees.

When I finally got the replacement check I also got my next check because enough time had passed so now I have two checks. I go back to the bank again to talk to the main guy that handled the first transaction and explain my story to him and if he could please remove the charges because it is not my fault that I went overdraft. He to ld me that I need to first bring my account current before he can do anything and then told me that I should go to the other bank (the one the checks came from) and get them verified and cashed there so when I make a deposit to my account, the money will be available right away and we will know the checks are good. Then he wanted me to come back to him and talk to his boss about removing the charges to my account.

So I went to the other bank and guess what I found out? Both checks were not good because there was no money in the account! I was so pissed! I asked the bank what I should do and they told me to come back tomorrow and see if they had made a deposit. I went home and called my job to climb down their throats to make a deposit so I can get to my well earned money. I went back to the other bank again the next day and prayed like hell the checks would go through and I could cash them. I had to resign it, re-fingerprint it, and wait about 10-15 minutes but finally I got the damn things cashed. So, then I went back to my bank and talked to the guys manager lady about the charges after telling her this long ass story not forgetting to mentioned that I worked really hard to fix all this (and I prayed some more, crossed my fingers etc.) She was very quiet up until the very end when she said to me that just this once she would reverse the charges because this is my first offence and I tried very hard to fix it. Then I breathed.



Since I just got my paychecks squared away I thought I might treat Hubby and I to a movie. We went to see Batman in IMAX. It was awesome! I really liked it. It was worth seeing in IMAX. Just when you think it may be ending it didn't, it just got better, faster, and more intense. I really am glad I was not disappointed by it at all. The joker and the others were played so very well. When I heard about how well the joker was played I didn't think it would be quite like the way I saw it. It was superb acting on all accounts. Two Face scared me a bit. I couldn't believe there were children in the audience. I would not have let my children see that and that is saying much. There is little I would keep from my kids but Two Face was enough to give anyone nightmares.

This week or so

I got to hang out with my little sister last week. It was fun. We went to Monterey to her friend's house. We all played disc golf. I was not too bad at it. She had to go to the college for some appointment then we had food with her friend. Later on one of her friends made us dinner. It was really nice of her. You know when I go back and read my blog sometimes I feel I sound real stupid. So, anyway after dinner we watched a movie and I got drunk for the first time. I don't think I was drunk enough though because I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. I felt numb physically, and dehydrated. We had rum and coke. I had a bit of trouble walking but I was relaxed enough I could do the spits. I was mostly just over heated and tired. It wasn't all that much of an experience. It took quite a bit to get me drunk and I sobered up way too fast. I didn't puke and I didn't have a hangover in the morning. I was only needing water.

I have had trouble with my job this week. The paycheck they sent me got rejected at the bank for some unknown reason and I had to jump through a bunch of hoops to get them to issue me another one and I am still not sure if they did it correctly. I also should be getting another pay check sometime on Monday but this company has a habit of giving out late checks. They only give me two days a week to work and at 10 dollars an hour. The two days are on the weekend too so I am missing everything I am invited to. I can't even go to a friend's girly sleep over party, or the sun devils outing, or the dinner party at another friend's house that I missed already. I am so missing out but this is the only steady hours I can seem to find. It is pathetic for all the schooling I went through to get my AA degree. It is not like I am stupid or anything. So why are people not hiring me? I blame the job market and people who are willing to work for so little so they are setting the bar for the rest of us.

In order to fix this huge mess I am in with all the debt that comes from poor jobs and all the lack of food and everything that is important I have made a website with my resume and stuff all about me. I don't know when it will be up and running but when it is you can be sure it will be on my MySpace page.

I am still happy that I got to meet John Barrowman but the shock of it is wearing off a bit.

I wish this society didn't make it so difficult for people to live. Life is so much more complicated than it has to be. We could make it so much easier on ourselves if we wanted to as a whole, as human kind.

I am still putting together ideas, notes and research for the book I will be writing in November. I am both excited and scared about how it will all turn out.

Now it is time to watch Penn and Teller: Bullshit

Oceans and Desserts

This dream started out with me being in the ocean teaching my nephew how to swim. He was doing a good job too. He would move his little arms and legs the way I asked him too. I would pick him up and let him pretend to fly then dive into the water. We were playing in the water when all of a sudden the water started to move back and forth and the ocean was now a gigantic skateboarding rink and the water moved back and forth, back and forth. As the water swished it started to slowly spill over the edges to reveal the sand underneath. The ocean was slowly turning into the dessert while we were swimming in it. The sand was soft and I looked up to see on the other side there was someone there but I don't know who it is. I had a feeling it was a warm and friendly presence. Then I woke up.



Heads and Skeletons

I was in this maze and it was Halloween. There were no children around. There was no one around. There was mist all over the place and I saw a skeleton with no head wrapped in a black cloth. I walked a little further and saw a bunch of heads without bodies. The headless body came at me from behind and tried to chop off my head with a sword. For some reason I was not scared during this dream. I almost wanted to laugh. How weird is that?

John Barrowman

Yesterday, Hubby and I drove down to L.A. to this book store called Book Soup. It is a little hole in the wall. We got up early at about six and left home at about a little after seven. We got to the book store at about 2pm and then got something to eat at Subway across the street. I went back to the book store and got in line in the bookstore. Soon other people started to show up and the bookstore people didn't like the crowd so he put a sign up outside saying it was the beginning of the line. I was the first in line! I was so happy to be first in line. After hours of waiting, taking pictures and making friends with the other fans in line they finally said that we could go into the store. The book store is just this small little whole in the wall and they had chairs set up in the isle way and there was a podium set up in the front. Since I was the first in line I got to be at the very front and then he was announced.

John Barrowman was less than two feet away from me! He could spit on me while talking I was so close to him! He started out doing a question and answer thing with the audience. That bookstore was so packed with people it was a fire hazard. There was no room for anything. We were all packed in there. I took lots of pictures I will be putting up on myspace soon. I also took a few small video clips of him talking in front of me. I will try to put them on my youtube page if I can soon.

After the Q and A he went to the back of the store and I got up and followed right behind him for a bit until people shoved and pushed in front of me so I was no longer first in line. But I was near the front so when my turn came up I handed him a little note I wrote him and told him how wonderful I think he is. I asked him what his favorite Captain Jack quote is and he said the one about it being the 21st century. Then I asked him if I could kiss him on the cheek and he said no so I asked if I could kiss his hand and he said I could so I got to kiss him on the hand! Me! I kissed John Barrowman! Sure it was only on the hand but it was something, certainly not nothing! Somewhere in all that he signed my book.

His sister Carole was also there and signed my copy of John's Autobiography since she was the ghost writer. She let me kiss her hand too and said she felt like the queen. Then I saw her daughter, John's niece, and told her she has a wonderful uncle and mother.

You know John is a very nice and genuine guy. He is very entertaining naturally and not all that different from me. He is outgoing but has a small shy side to him that I am sure most people missed because he was so funny and out there. He said that he used to teach his niece and nephew all the Scottish bad words and pay them to say them to people. Like once he told his niece to go up to the counter at Mc Donald's and ask for a shit Mc Flurry. Another thing he said was that he and his sister were grocery shopping and all of a sudden a mob of people started to surround them and take pictures and ask for autographs. He told his sister to go finish the shopping while he continued and when she protested he said, "No one want to see your fucking face on their cell phones." So she finished the shopping and had to wait for him so he could pay for it. Such a funny story. What siblings do to each other!

He used some foul language and then said, "oh, like you didn't know I talk like that." He did talk a tiny bit gay but for the most part he talked like a normal entertaining guy. I can't believe I was so close to him! If I remember more later of what he said I will put it in another blog.

Unhappy and Tired

I know I haven't blogged in a while. I just haven't been feeling well. I have been trying to work and find a new job and haven't been very successful with much. Hubby has been mad at me for a while and I just need to focus on work and making money. He would rather I focus on my health and what I eat. I could care less what I eat as long as it is food and cheap. He doesn't like that very much. I don't like making him angry but I am unhappy with the way things are going and would like to just do things my way. Things are just not going my way at all and every time I try to make anything really happen my way he gets mad at me. Well that may not be entirely true, I am sure there are reasons why my way isn't so good but I think I should at least have control over what I eat or whether or not I go walking. I hate walking. I would rather go dancing for my exercise. I can't just do everything perfectly and I am not going to let him dictate to me everything for fear of him being mad at me.

I should make a list of all that makes me happy or smile. Dancing, watching ice skating, singing well, ice cream, hamburgers, Hubby not mad at me, having a job with enough hours, not being in pain…

I guess I am coming up with at short list this time. I'll have to come up with more later.

Cats and Choirs

I had a dream that I owned a cute little baby leopard. The sad part was we kept it in a storage facility. I would come and visit and feed it every day. I also seemed to have kept a little puppy there at times. I am not sure how the two critters got along but that was the end of that dream.

The scene changed to another dream. I was in a choir full of other people that were all different but also all the same. I was to be in a production on a stage where I got to choose whether to be on the dance team or in the choir. I chose to be in the choir. I am not sure why. I guess I thought I would be better at singing than dancing. We preformed on stage then after we got a few credits each to trade for some prizes. There were booklets of stuff to choose from. All kinds of games for different consoles like the Xbox and other things. I was looking through everything and about to chose something when I woke up.

A pretty lame dream but there were lots of colors in it mostly the red of the curtains and the white gold on our choir robes and the gold of the prizes. It was very pretty and the performance was very well done by all the singers and dancers.

Obsticles and Pigs

6.14.2008 Dream

First the dream started out ok with me taking a belly dancing class. I thought I was doing ok until the teacher comes over to me and has me do a hip movement she just demonstrated. The rest of the class was continuing to practice and I tried to copy the teacher's movements. Then she grabbed my arm and yelled at me, "What is wrong with you? It's not like that, it's like this," She did the move she was showing us again. It was a simple push of the hips from side to side, something I can actually do in real life just well. Anyway, she continued to yell at me then stormed off to take care of the rest of the class. I muttered that this should be a ballroom class, I'd be better at it and she overheard then snapped that I should go down the hall to that class instead. I said that I couldn't afford that class and it meets at the wrong time for me. Then we had to do this really weird group move where we pick up the smallest girl in groups of three and swing her around in various different forms. It was my job in my group to catch her legs. I was determined I could do this because I am a big strong girl and should lift her on my won when she spread her legs to late for me to catch her so I fumbles a bit before I could hold on to her but didn't drop her at least. The teacher was furious and stormed out of the room. I tried to do my best.

Then the three of us had to do an obstacle course around this jungle gym that was too small for adults to go down the slides properly. I had to pick her up on my shoulders and she had to get to different points where there was a ball to collect and punching bag to hit, a marker to grab, and a door to go though without hitting her head. The third girl was there to help catch her if she fell off my shoulders and to go over the ground parts of the course.

Then we took a break and all went swimming. I did good with my team so far and spoke about it to some friends. There were boys over by the edge of the pool and they were all my type of good looking (don't you just love those kind of dreams?) and I was shy to go over to talk to them. One of them came over to me and made me feel better. I instantly had a crush on this guy and I think he like me too but I wasn't sure. We had a lot of fun playing in the water. (Don't get the wrong idea here all of you dirty minded people; it was normal play not special play.)

The obstacle course continued and we got near the end where our smaller girl had to climb to the top of this small flat area of the jungle gym we had to all crawl to the end of the plat form and if we stayed the wrong way we got sprayed with a bunch of water. We laughed so hard after getting sprayed so many times! Then we slid down the rope to the end where we were supposed to pick up a small fan type sign with a number on it saying we can get a prize and move on to the next round being handed out by the race master. I almost sank to the floor when I saw the guy from the pool was the race master. He was handing out the winners' signs. He asked one of the passing groups if they remembered to bath the pig. My group looked at each other and smiled, "we forgot to bathe the pig," we said to each other. I looked up at the guy and said to my group, "Stay here and I'll go bathe the piggy." His eyes met mine and we smiled as our eyes locked. Then I woke up.

Hungry and Other Thoughts

So, I am almost walking normal today. My toes are healing nicely. Still hurts though. My tummy is feeling better. I am currently listening to music and I can't wait for lunch because I am hungry. I sent another two letters to Mom and she just got one of them yesterday, and I sent the other one yesterday too. I hope she gets it soon. I don't always remember what I put in those letters but I have them saved and some are the same as this blog so I have at least got records to look at to remind me what I put.

Ok, I am better now. I had a cheeseburger for lunch. Sometimes when I see a blank piece of paper, either on the computer or right in front of me, I feel inspired to create, create, create. I have a thousand ideas for things like plays, books, songs and stuff, but I can't get them out of my head fast enough. I think of them and then they escape me before I can put it down or paper. Then there are times when I think them and I can't break them down or be patient enough to put the pieces together well. Even a rough draft of something seems better than just staring at a blank piece of paper wondering where to start with my ideas. See, I never know when to start. I know what I want to write about but I don't know which one I want to write first.

You know here at work I am capable of so much yet all I have to do is watch a door. Make sure only the right people go past. So for lack of much to do I am allowed to be here on my computer. I am so happy about that but things still get boring. I just hope no one thinks for a moment that I cannot see them. The reflection in the computer monitor tells me what is going on behind me at the door. I can name you ever person that goes in and out as they go in and out of the room I am guarding. Not that I would or anything. I am here for security so I won't tell you anything. Nope you don't get to know a thing about who works here. Sorry folks. But I mean I don't miss a thing and I hope they all know that.

Ouch!

Yesterday was not so good. I woke up and had this pain in my lower tummy like a cramp. It was there all day and is less today but stilll there. Also, I went to the hot tub to try and relieve the pain and when I went to rinse off in the shower I slipped and hurt my right toe and foot. It turned slightly purple and is only pink today but still hurts pretty bad. I can't even wear my normal black shoes at work. I hope they don't mind but i have to wear my slip ons to so I can walk at least some while wearing shoes. So I couldn't do or focus on much yesterday. I am not doing much better today but am at work and have no choice.

The people here at work are very nice. I am so tired. I had some coffee today but I don't think it is working the way it should. Things are better with the music on.

I realized this week that I need more friends around my age group. The thing is that most of those people that are in my age group are not very mature. I need friends that are mature and not so stupid. I think that is why most of my friends are around 40 or 50 years old. You would be surprised how many of them can still be immature and stupid but I like them more because it is a different kind. There is a downside to having old friends. I can't always keep up with all the old movies and shows. The upside is they are willing to tell me about them and teach me things I didn't know before.

Ok well, I was wrong. The pain in my tummy is about the same as before.

Interviews and Bellydancing

Well, I had my interview on Tuesday. I think it went well. I could have held my toung on a few things and said some others but nothing is perfect and I was nervious. The lady was nice. She said is was an Admin job where I would make things more organized and help things to run smoothly if I got the job. I sure hope I do get this job. It would be a nice change from my current job who gives me hardly any hours.

Last night Hubby and I went to a Bellydancing show near Santa Cruz at an interesting place that has a bar, mexican grill, american grill, and a stage. It was a lot of fun. I got to see my teacher perform as well as a few other very good dancers. Twice they opened the floor to us and I got to dance with the rest of the audience people. That was lot of fun too. My teacher said I did good. Hubby said I looked like one of the pros. He said I am able to see it done and copy it almost perfectly. I did not know that was what I was doing but what a nice long day yesterday was.

I hope everything is going well with people on your end.

New Things Going

Hubby and I cooked breakfast together for the first time ever. I know I have cooked for him before and he has for me before but we did this together. I am so happy about it. I made banana pancakes and he made cheezy scrambled eggs. We had milk and orange juice and everything was great on Saturday. I didn't have to work on Saturday so instead we took a rest day. It was much needed. I would like to do so again. I have been working ling and busy days lately. My first pancake was not so good but I kept getting better at it. and Hubby's eggs were perfect!

Yesterday I taught my very second student for the first time. I taught him the Two Step. And on Friday I taught my first student for the first time ever. Everyone starts somewhere. I am so happy I got through it! I was nervious I tell you! I want to do right by my students and I have no idea if I would be any good of a teacher or not. I had to try it to find out. I am glad it went well.

My first student was very very good right off the bat. She had some experience in dance in the past. She took some of the same classes I did in jazz and so on. She said she hadn't danced in two years or so. I couldn't tell. It seemed as if she had been doing this for while. She took off running just like I did when I was 17 and just got started in ballroom myself. a breeze to teach my teacher said. Well so is this girl. I am a lucky teacher but I feel as if she will surpass my abilities as a teacher soon. I am only teaching beginners and she will soon be intermediate.

My second student said that he was really bad and had no real hope of getting any beat of any kind. He really wants to learn and really has the heart for dancing. He led me to believe he would never pick up the beat. He was so wrong. He got the beat just fine. He may have not been able to keep it for long but always got back to it. I even had a bit of trouble when I got tired. I can see why most teachers only give 45 min lessons instead of 55min. I am so really proud of him. He did an actually really great job for a real beginner. Most guys look horrible when they first start out but he really listened to me and got it down when I asked him to fix something. He is getting the technique just fine. I am happy that we both proved him wrong. There is no way he is a hopeless case. I have seen hopeless cases and he is not one by far. Soon he will be twirling me accross the floor.

I also went to bellydancing class again yesterday. It was a lot of fun and a great work out. It is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. My shoulders do not want to relax enough to move properly.There is going to be a preformance for us to watch on Thursday. I can't wait.

I have an interview tomorrow and I am nervious about that. It is for an Admin job. I have never done it but that is what my degree is in so I should do well. I only hope that the company is lagit and that they like me.

Anyway, I am, ocourse, listening to music at the moment. I have this playlist all set up. I am currently really liking the songe "Baby I'm Amazed By You" by Lone Star. If I spelled any of that right it would be nice.

Yesterday I worked at a hotel in Burlingame and watched a ballroom. It was so boring. I am only glad that I had a book to keep me company.

That's it for now.

Memorial Day Weekend

Hi all! This weekend I am glad I didn't have to work because for some reason I was very slow moving the whole time. No idea why but I found myself dragging. No I am having trouble sleeping. So, what did I do this weekend?

I rented movies, saw the GA fireworks, went food shopping, slept a lot. This week I got more music from a friend. Very awsome stuff! I still haven't gotten a chance to listen to it all. But it is all great. I am very lucky to have such nice friends. I went dancing on Friday. It was fine until well, lets just say I started PMSing. I started crying when I saw a friend of mine and couldn't stop crying for the life of me. I am not sure why. But I am doing just great now. All is well accept for the part where I am off schedule with my sleep cycle.

Hubby made me a really perfect sandwich and we watched one of our movies. It was great. I had a good day. I also went swimming yesterday and today. Well, yesterday and the day before now that the sun is comming up.

I am curently listening to Kurt on You Tube. I just can't get enough of that voice. I sang today for some people at the hot tub. They were very nice.

I have a doctors appt. today. I am supposed to get results for the pics of my insides they took of where I had my surgury so see if I am still ok. I am sure I am fine.

I have been dreaming about bellydancing since I took a class last week. It is nice.

I saw my sisters at a picnic we all went to for one of their birthday. It was nice.

I visited with dad for a small time this week. He brought me a burger and fries.

I saw Narnia with big sis this week. That was fun. I would have cast caspian differently though.

I wish I could remember what else I did this week. More later when I remember.

Work, Scammed, Burnt, DJ, Dancing

Hi,
I am at work right now.

I have been watching Smallville, Doctor Who, and Torchwood recently. We are a few weeks ahead for Doctor Who and it is nice. I also watch Bones and I really liked the last episode. It was not even the season finally and the last two were huge episodes.

It is nice when I get to have my computer around. I am on my computer a lot these days. I have been learning HTML for programming a presentation for the internet. Hubby and I have been comming up with more ideas for the company we are starting. We also plan to have a nonprofit organization.

I went dancing last week or so. It was a lot of fun. I met a few new fun people and got to see some old dance friends and I had a whole lot of fun dancing. It was almost perfect. It would have been perfect if I hadn't gotten so tired near the end. At least I get to see the performance they had. They do not do those often. I was sopposed to teach this guy how to dance today for our first dance lesson but he didn't confirm or show up so I am guessing he just may not want to learn anymore.

I got some other responses from the ad I put up for teaching dance lessons and I got scammed in the process. They said they were from the UK and they wanted me to teach their son lessons. So they insisted on sending me a check then told me to send the rest to their nanny. It was all totally fake! I felt like such an idiot when I got to the bank and they told me it was a fraud check.

I had much bad luck that day. The car overheated as well and I was late to an interview adn i was sick the whole day but had so much to do anyway.


My sister and I had a nice visit the other day. She got to try on some of my old clothes and got some jeans. She said she would make me a purse out of another old pair and we took pictures of each other with the new camera my friend gave me for my birthday. It is actually his old one and he gave it to me after he got himself a new one but either way I get a camera that I am happy with. He also let me borrow a few CDs so I have more music now for ballroomm and other things.

I asked starlite if I may DJ on Friday nights while my friend is not able to. I would love to DJ now that I have much of my friend's music. They said I could be a back up DJ for Sat. nights in the back room. I would like that. I only need to learn their system real quick. I am hoping my friend can show me how.

I went to Lupin this weekend and also on a picnic with my family. I got real burnt but I'm ok. I'll live.

Well, I need to get back to work now. More later if I get a chance.

Must Get Sleep

I really hate it when I don't get much sleep in one night. I only got 6 hours and for someone that likes to sleep 12 hours as often as possible that is vary few hours of sleep. I am having to type or play chess, listen to music, and read just to keep my eyes open. I am tired enough that I am having trouble typing. I am not so good at typing when I am this exsausted.

I took a bellydancing class yesterday. It was much fun and a big workout. The moves are so precise. You have to do them properly with much technique. The musice I am listening to is rock adn heavy metal and I am still falling asleep. My head is just shot since I got this cold.

I have at least one real student for my new dance teaching thing. I am still perfecting that technique as well.

So what am i sopposed to do for the next few hours? If I type the whole time this will turn out to be the biggest blog ever with very bad typing because I don't have all the best finger skilss right now. My thinking is on low.

I got a sunburn this weekend. I was playing water vollyball. I am glad I got to see so me old friends at Lupin this weekend. A shout out to all of you! LUV YA!

Dance Lessons

Hi all!

I am now teaching Ballroom Dance Lessons. I hope I know what I am doing. So far I have only taught children but I should be ok. I have been doing this for over 7 years so I do know how. I am currently brushing up on the guy parts. I am perfecting and practicing tecniques and styles that will help my students look good. I don't have mush time to teach this one couple for their wedding but I will do the very best I can. I am only hoping people are not expecting absolute perfection on the dance floor with such little notice. I am so overly busy with all this.

Update, Work and Fun

Today I am doing great. I just got a now very pretty boombox that can be hooked up to my mp3 player and it was cheap to get and is really cool. Hubby made me lunch again as always and it is always so wonderful. I wasn't planning on working this weekend but here I am at work again when I was planning on going dancing. I miss dancing and realy realy wanted to go today. Oh well, at least I get to make some more moola.

The other great news is that I am allowed to have my laptop at work this time and I just got to borrow some ballroom dance music from my friend so I get to listen to some of it today. I think I may have to cut my hair soon. I may get it layered sometime soon for the first time. I need a good head shot and something eye catching has to be in that pic I send off to all those people to promote myself.

I still with I could get a loan of somekind for at least one of our companies. Oh by the way, if anyone out there is reading this and I am unaware of it then make me aware of it so I can give you dance lessions. I am teaching now. That is part of why I got the boombox and why I borrowed music from my favorite dance partner. I am music crazy right now.

Yeah Hubby wants to play chess over IM! I beat him last time.

Wrong, Right, and Dance

So far the only thing wrong with my life that means anything right now to me is that my back really hurts, and I am still pretty much broke. I would like to get a loan somehow already from anywhere just to get things started with our investment business. I don't really care what rate of return the lender wants, I just need the loan now so I can get out of mom's house already. I am to old to be with mom and my husband is 8 years older than I so I think how he must feel. Though I think poor mom likes having us around sometimes so she isn't so lonely. Other than that we are making her go broke too.



So, I am still looking for a better job somewhere and hope for the best in all things I am working for. I have many ideas but all start with a company that needs starting and that will always take at least some money. If I go ahead without the company I could get screwed so many other ways it is nuts to think of such a thing. So, bottom line we still need a loan and are capable of paying it all back with interest.



The things going right for me is still my relationship with my Hubby. I love him so much. My medication is doing so nice things but still, I get sleepy. I am getting some more hours even if it all is given at last second notice and still not vary many. I am for the most part happier and more motivated to get things done. I am almost done with the latest book I am reading by one of my favorite authors Iris Johansen. I am reading "The Search".



I may or may not go dancing tonight. I am set up to teach a lesson tomorrow and I am not sure how that will go since it being my first time teaching someone other than my Sister. My friend is to stop by today with some music for me to got through so I can do a good job. I plan to rent out space on the dance floor of my favorite ballroom dance club. I hope it all goes well. I have a real passion for dancing, especially ballroom. My favorite is the Bolero then the Hustle, Bachata, WC Swing, Rumba, Cha-cha, Tango, Salsa, Two-step, Waltz, EC Swing then Foxtrot. Off the top of my head but sometimes the order of favs change up a bit. However, I think the Bolero will always be my number one.

Gee, I'm Silly Sometimes

I am going to chalk it all up to PMS. I don't know what the hell I was so afraid of. Everything is fine. I am doing ok. I just started on a new medication that makes me very tired but at least I am no longer depressed. I am also getting beter at having a good schedule. More later for an update.

Kurt and Work

Well, if any of you have gone to my You Tube page you will find I am obviously obsessed with Kirt Nilson. Among my top favorites is "Push Push", "Hunting High and Low", "Here She Comes" (only I'm pissed that someone took that one off the site so now I can't find it.), "Day After Tomorrow", "She's So High", and "Hallelujha". But, of course, I like them all.

I actually have been getting hours so that is why I haven't written in a while. I am now at this new site all by myself and for some reason I feel a little less safe without a company radio. Since I seem to be taking care of many of the problems for the company while on and off duty I may as well have a radio of my own so I can at least have one with me at a site like this. At least the last place I was stationed at alone there was people who lived at the apartment complex to walk by so I wasn't compleatly alone. I know it is nuts to be nervious about being alone but I am and I do not like it much. Hell, I hope my boss doesn't read this, it could jepordise my hours and I still need more. Maybe I am only antcy because I am nearing my time of the month again. Gee, I hope I get another job soon so I can have both or something that workes better than this.

I have been getting more and more upset about being broke but at least there I know I am not alone. I wish there was at least one investor to help us start up our small company. You could not even imagin the difference it makes in me to know that I have succeeded in this thing. It would be like night and day with my attitude. I seem to be scared of everything this week. I wish I knew why.

Shitty Times

Sometimes I just wish the whole world would just leave me alone. Other times I want all the attention in the world. It seems that even on those days the attention I get is not the attantion I really want. Instead I get people telling me what I should and shouldn't do with my time. Then I just get rebellious and want none of it. I would rather come up with the idea to do those things on my own. A lot of times I do want to do someting like go walking or something and I plan to in a little while but then it is mentioned to me as something I must do later on or right just then and I just don't feel like doing it or anything anymore. I know I have issues and it sounds wierd but that is how I feel.

There are days I am really happy with the way things are in my life but most days and more and more often I am just frustrated and unhappy with everything. I know in a lot of ways I am like most people in that I want to be skinny and rich but I also know of all the ways I am different from others. However, I do know of others like me but I have no hope of ever meeting them because I am not in their circle yet. I am a person that will always stick out in a crowd, be right up there in the middle of things, talk until you're blue in the face, laugh until I cry, entertain until I know everyone around me is happy, sing until I've lost all breath, dance until I drop (and then some most times), and take everything in around me so I can show my love for it all. Lately, I have been more quiet, in the background, reserved, introspective, angry, upset, sad, depressed. I haven't felt I had the time nor desire to keep in touch with friends, I haven't felt like dancing. All I want to do now is read and watch American Idol or something. I mean I look at myself and I think "How pathetic is she?" I want my confidence back. I belong in Hollywood.

But, I don't know what got me to feel this way and I don't know how to make it all better. I don't know how to make my dreams come true and I don't know how to apply all the knowledge I have gained thorugh all I have lived through. Some things I dream about I know is impossible to have and that just makes it all worse and for some reason I let it get to me and I feel more violent then I normally would or ever have before. I have used much self control in the last month or so to not just blow my top off (not literaly although I wouldn't mind if I did). All I want really, is to somehow make a positive impact on this messed up world somehow and I want them to know it was me who did it. I am not even all that sure why. I haven't the first clue as to how to start just a thousand good ideas without knowing which one to pull out of the hat and run with because my 20's are almost over and I don't want to waste them on a failer project even though I already know I am wasting them by fretting over all this crap. Maybe it's because I'm bi-polor.

Working Out - Sort Of

I have reached the two week mark for the excersizing and I must admit that I have cheated witht he whole diet thing a bit. Somehow in spite of my cheating I have noticed a few differences in my body. My back is flatter and I feel stronger. However, my time of the month started a couple of days ago and I have been beat during that time. Hubby said it is natural for me to be more worn out while on my time of the month. I skipped a day or so with the hiking and still have not been swimming as much as I should. I feel guilty about that. I am also begining to feel depressed about stuff again. I am not all together sure why. Things are just the same amount of shitty as always. Nothing has changed so why should my mood shift so suddenly to aweful? Maybe the not changing part is what is getting me down. Our problems are not going anywhere.

So last week all together we hiked close to 30 miles with various different difficulties up hill and down hill. I usually feel a sense of accomplishment after a hike but I am just not feeling myself lately.

On other subjects my relationship with hubby is still very well as usuall. Easter was fine. We went to both families as usual. The brunch with his family was I think more fun and the dinner with my family was at least less annoying than usual. Their were no religious debates this time wich was nice. I have more and more ideas af how to make money with no idea how to start them do to lack of funds. Sometimes I wish my creativity were better linked with making money from the very begining and not the whole big picture of a thought. I am still looking for a better job than the two I have now because none of them are giving me any hours for some reason. Maybe I’ll become a secretary or something. I just hope they have a spell check with their program because I no longer have Microsoft Word since the trial ended so now I am using Word Pad with none of the goddies I have been spoild with on the other program.

I hope all of your lives are going better than mine. At least I am getting fit, sort of.

Big Tests

Well, it has been a week since I have started my diet and excersise thing and I tell you I am so very sore. I have been swimming everyday, I borrowed some weights from a friend, and i went shopping for better food. Today I walked for six miles. That is a little more than twice what I did last time I tried that trail. There was plenty of uphill on the hike with Hubby but when we got to the top we saw such a view! It was incredibly beautiful. I hope I dream that kind of beauty. I saw most of the Bay Area from up there about From San Jose to Fremont. I hear that on a very clear day you could even see the Golden Gate Bridge from that point. the clouds were perfect, the sunset, the dear, the birds, everything was just great. Of course I felt like dying when I got to the top. That was one hell of a climb! My muscles were very tired by then and I had a small problem with my left ligament but it went away shortly. Last time I fell apart after only a mile or so in. I couldn’t go on any further. My ligament wouldn’t let me. This time I am so amazed I got through six miles. I can certialy feel it though so at least I do believe I did do it.

Since I have cut out soda and other stuff like that I have been going through a caffine withdrawl so I’ve been getting headaches from that but mostly I feel great. I have been feeling stronger every day since I’ve started working out but also tired. The tired is because it takes more energy to burn fat from your body then elswhere like from food. Once my motabolism speeds up I will not feel as tired because my body will be used to what I am doing to it with this new work out and diet thing. I am also trying not to push myself too hard to keep from injuring myself. I know I still have a ways to go but I am working on it.

The test I am working so hard for is the physical test given to corrections officers and fire fighters and such. I have already taken the written and the psych test. Passed the first one, don’t know about the other yet. They don’t contact me unless I fail that one and so far the no news is good news. Nerve racking isn’t it? I believe making us jump though all these hoops is part of the process though, to see which of us stick around and keep a cool head while making us wait forever to know anything.

Whether it be a good or a bad thing I do know much about psych crap. What I am not sure they will realise is that I know for a fact that I am to a small degree nuts but I am also always in complete control of myself. One out of every three folks are bi-polar but I am not sure if those guys doing the evaluation know this. If they disqualify me because of that while approving others then their are many liers out there who didn’t mention that they are also. Most people who are bi-polar do go undiagnosed and never get the help they need in order to feel better. I am at least on the correct meds and am doing everything I can to minimize or get rid of the simptoms of my bi-polarness. I also have another advantage. From a very young age and for the better part of my life I have been taught and practice certian mental control techniques and come from a long line of those who succeed in doing the same. Thanks Dad. Our mind is a truly powerful thing but those psych people cannot know that about me from some stupid written test. I can see why it would be necessary though. do they even bother looking up myspace pages? If so, would they even catch this blog? Who knows, all I hope is that they meet me before passing any judgement on my internal thought proccesses. I know I can’t spell well, welcome to my generation of spoild with spell check and computers.



In my life I have been through much. No one could even imagine how it was for me because they were not there looking through my eyes but I can tell you those experiences have made me mature to the point that I associate better with older people, I understand the key to happiness even if it is not always so easy, I can keep a cool head when put in most set of circumstances. I have gifts and skills I have expanded upon and would like to make grow further. I have memories both good and bad to draw from for guidence. I have envisioned a future most would not obtain but I know I can achieve. I have made up my mind that I will succeed in anything I put my mind to. Much works against me for the position I have applied for with the state I know this, but I also know that much works for me and if given the chance I know for damned sure I can do that job and do it well. There is much I am good at and I also know what I am not so good at. They really should get to know me before they make their choice about wheather or not I can at least mentally do the job.

My Name

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M Mysterious
I Important
K Keen
I Insane

Reading Material

I just finished Sandworms of Dune the last book of the series. I think there may be two more other ones though, I'm not sure. I think there may be a Paul of Dune of something like that. Anyway, I really loved it as I love all the books in the Dune series. It had several endings but well worth it. I wish I had someone to talk about it all with although I don't really know what I'd say other than how awesome the whole thing was. I must admit I was a bit surprised by a few parts of it. That was pleasant.

Now I am in the middle of The Secret. I am learning how to think positive and get what I want out of life. I have a lot of hope that it works but I need to work more on the faith part of it. I know I'll get there though. I find it real tricky to stay positive when most of the people around me are so negative. I may say things that can be taken as negative but I always really meant them to be positive unless I am just clearly in a bad mood and just bitching, which I try real hard to keep a minimum to none.

I have many thoughts that go through my head when I read this book. Several times I am reminded of my youth when my dad said some of the same things to me or times when I used those methods without even knowing it. I smile when I read parts that sound as if it was written just for me. For some reason this book speaks to me even if that sound silly, but I'm going to try it and give it my all. Wish me luck I am changing my frequency to the light and brightest side of the force. And on this new frequency I will attract success.

Naughty and Stupid Sometimes

Well, let me tell you what has been up with me lately. My best friend came to visit from Tennessee and we got a chance to hang out and catch up again. We went out to Karaoke like we used to and had a great time. I also got a chance to catch up with another friend I haven't seen for a long time. That was great.

Since then I have been really nothing but sick without really getting better. I got on kind of sick and then another. I went to Lupie for Naughty Nightie Night and had a blast. I put on my purple fishnet body sock and danced until after I dropped. I completely over did it and got the flu. Well, it was stormy that night and we did stay in a cold Yurt. So I've been sick since then. The cool thing is I got a chance to pole dance for the first time ever and somehow for some reason I won second place! I won a free dinner but traded it for one of those feather black scarf things the other winners got. I thought it a much cooler prize for dancing my ass off. I had fun. Hubby said I sweat off at least 5 pounds that night. I screwed up during my second pole dance but oh well shit happens and nobody's perfect.

As if I didn't have enough torcher I was stupid enough to go up there again this week even though I'm still not feeling well cause I wanted to see what the burner thing was all about. It was a special burner weekend up there. I got to play and sing some music with an old friend and I saw real fire dancers. It was awesome! Some of them were real good at it. The stars were out shining so bright it was such a beautiful night but we left early because hubby was cold, had a headache and said it was the best thing to do.

Since I've been sick, I haven't had much time or energy for that matter to do anything so needless to say but, I have mostly been doing nothing or being stupid when I have done something. No work got done (not like my boss has given me any hours anyway), no blogging got done, no maintenance of anything. I do feel bad about that and hubby said I am lazy. He is probably right, however, I am doing what I can.

I am really upset with my boss for only scheduling me for two days this month. I must work full time to even hope to stay alive but I only get two days! WHAT THE HELL MAN!!!! Two days in one month when I was hired on as a full time employee? This is just not right. I am getting pretty much no money at all in a whole month and a half because of this. I have been looking for another job but they are all drying up quick. I cannot survive like this and everything is falling apart. I need a better job and fast. I have so many skills to offer, the trick is convincing someone else of that when they all look at me and see a 24 year old. Automatically employers assume from my age that I will be lazy, stupid, require and had to hold, will be immature, and unprofessional.

I'll have you all know people but I take whatever job I have very seriously and want nothing but to do a good job at anything set before me with style, grace, poise, professionalism, and sometimes a bit of humor. I care about my workplace, I really do so why is it so difficult to explain this on a resume? All I need is one phone call for an interview and I can show anyone that I have what it takes to do the job no matter what pre-judgments they wish to place on me.

Even if people think they can have me all figured out by reading my blog that is so far from the truth. What I write here is nothing more than snapshots into my life. You can't know a person or even see their life story from snapshots laid out before you. I do hope to write a book someday but to really get to know me or anyone would take a lifetime. People are both simple and complicated; I go both ways when the situation calls for it. There are so many different sides to me, true, and you may not like all of them, yes, but even though the whole package is me, when I am at work I am in job mode. When I am at the gym, I am in work out mode. I know when and where it is appropriate for what part of me to come out. So I wonder why people think it is ok to judge people out of context. We have fired teachers for going to parties and fired cops, fire people, nurses, and doctors just for a few pictures that somehow made it onto the internet with or without their consent.

Does it really matter what they do outside of work as long as they do a good job while there? As long as all is kept separate or in their place does it really matter if people have a life outside of how they get their paycheck? Simply put, NO!!! No, it really doesn't matter or make any difference or affect job performance to have a life. If anything getting a life outside of work would only make the person happier and we all know that happy people make better employees. And for the record, I do not think it was at all right to bring up impeachment for what Pres. Clinton did. Most men, especially those in power or with money cheat on their wives, and I do mean MOST of them in one way or another. What people must get through their heads is that they should all stop being jealous and nosey. Jealousy is a useless emotion that does nothing to help us and it wasn't our business what Bill did after hours. It honestly didn't hurt any of us one bit. What hurt was all the stupid unnecessary ruckus big deal everyone made out of it all. Hello people! Wake up and get a brain please! We are devolving with all this crap we are doing to ourselves.

So Pretty

I Thought This Was So Funny

I laughed so hard when I clicked on this. I love this song by the way.
8753 Beardslee Rd. Perry, MI.

Nature Walks

Glacier Bay - Beardslee Islands

Just Curious - this may not work right....

So this is what's going on at Beardslee Castle

Heath Ledger

I was so shocked when I heard that he died. I just couldn't believe that such a young and talented actor could be gone just like that. My jaw dropped. He was one of the most capturing, emotion provoking, and heartfelt actors out there. He was one of the actors I would really like to have met. He died so young! Only 28. He will be sorely missed and mourned by many.

Thoughts I probably shouldn’t have but are there anyway. I suck.

You ever have a conversation with someone after having no one to talk to for a long while and find that it is very difficult to shut up because all you've really done the past few days is work and sleep and repeat? Say you are really passionate about a particular subject that you feel the other person can relate to because of something they shared with you and the chat goes well but then you find yourself going on about how things should be but isn't that way on that topic you were just discussing. Afterword I found myself asking what the other person thought about what was exchanged and what the others around who may have listened in thought about what they heard me say, or even if they heard enough to make a sound judgment, or just heard pieces of it and don't understand. I end up feeling like an idiot for some reason then wonder why I couldn't have just kept my mouth shut like everyone else. I get lonely sometimes and I do not know why. Today I took a test about love languages. Last I took it was when I was 15 and got slightly different results. I think lately, my jar has seen better days. I then figure out that I am almost never alright but only pretend for the sake of others I care about so no one worries about me. I would feel better if only I got more hugs from everybody, then I would know I am not the only one who truly cares. I really feel like crying all the time most days and that is really fucked up because I have a lot to be thankful and happy for. I have some friends I love and a husband that takes very good care of me. I should be rejoicing that I have people in my life. Instead I am a fucked up person who cares about everyone but feel very little of that in return mainly I think because hubby has been the only one returning the love. I don't know why I am fucked up like that but I am and it makes me a bitchy person to him. I shouldn't take out any of my pain on him, he does so much for me already. I am stupid and ungrateful to feel this way. So very sad all the time. So incredibly sad. I want Hubby to get better, my sister to have a healthy place to live, my mom to be happy, my dad to stop losing his head, people to start raising their kids properly, the schools to get their head out of their asses, good leaders for our country for once, poverty to no longer be a problem, to be an actress, singer, and dancer, for hubby to have everything he wants, world peace, my children to be healthy, and so much more to happen.

I'm sorry guys, one of these days I'll have an interesting blog for you and not one where I just piss all over everything.

My Love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		9
Words of Affirmation:		7
Acts of Service:		6
Quality Time:		5
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

A Quote I Will Try To Focus On More

That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to performit has improved. ~Ralf Waldo Emerson

Took the test anyway, What the Hell, right?

The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

If you want to explore your own sexual orientation, here is a simple research instrument that was used by Fritz Klein and others. It is a refinement of the Kinsey Scale which ranked behaviour and "psychologic reactions" on a scale from 0 to 6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual, 6 being exclusively homosexual, and 3 being equally homosexual/heterosexual.

Klein wanted to test his idea that sexual orientation was a "dynamic, multi-variable process," so he developed the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid. He thought that an individual's sexual orientation was composed of sexual and non-sexual variables which differed over time.

I scored an average of 2.24


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width="141">

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0

1

2

3

4

5

6

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Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:


0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

Never Knew of This Test Before

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was devised by Larry Kurdek, B. Berkey and T. Perelman-Hall. It is an extension of the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, recognising that sexual identities can change over time, people can identify with more than one sexual identity, and that asexuality is a valid sexual identity. The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was published in the "Journal of Homosexuality" in 1990.

According to my answers, it is likely that I identify as
Heterosexual with some homosexuality.

Complete set of results

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Heterosexual with some homosexuality:		5
Sequential bisexual:		4
Concurrent bisexual:		2
Past homosexual, currently heterosexual:		2
Heterosexual:		1
Asexual:		0
Homosexual:		0
Homosexual with some heterosexuality:		0
Past heterosexual, currently homosexual:		0

Information

The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was devised by Larry Kurdek, B. Berkey and T. Perelman-Hall. It is an extension of the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, recognising that sexual identities can change over time, people can identify with more than one sexual identity, and that asexuality is a valid sexual identity. The Multidimensional Scale of Sexuality was published in the "Journal of Homosexuality" in 1990.

Take the quiz

Rambo Whore

I was in some sort of an army and was a programmed human with a special mission to go undercover so I could catch and destroy this evil black energy alien thing that manifested in specific human beings. So I was in this truck following a lead of where the human might be and came to a gate for a college dorm facility that housed mostly regular army guys. I guess I was in some really high up there division because even though my cover involved me being dressed up as a whore… they somehow recognized me as there superior and answered me quickly with a salute when I asked them where the couple that just ran in here went. I may have flashed some kind of identification marker or something. I found the room they were trying to hide in. It was in the very back on the side of the building that faced a very big sea so I ran to the room and a good looking big guy with a kind face came out dragging his struggling wife with a look and feel of pain permeating off of them. The wife was small, far too skinny and reminded me a bit of my mom for some reason. She looked possessed kind of like that king on Lord of the Rings was only without all the over long grey hair. Black on her fingernails, black bags under the eyes, and thick black smoke almost like a liquid like the blob or something was oozing from her. She was in hysterics and all he could do was hold her. Some of her humanity was clearly still showing through her unable to fight the monster within her pleaded for help.

My Intel told me the human would be dead inside and my orders were to kill it in any way possible. But I saw they needed help and asked the husband what they were doing while it still dormant in her before it came out like this. He said he gave her a hug and they were talking nicely. I then went up to her and punched her hard in the face. The black thing transferred to him temporarily then eased back into its favorite host. I told them to follow me and we went back to my truck. I drove them to a special place that somehow could possibly help and that I somehow I knew all of a sudden the place would be safe. It was in the middle of the suburbs where all the little houses look exactly the same. Little boxes all in a row. I pulled over and let them get out of the truck. I say let them out because my truck was a specially designed truck for this mission. All the doors could only be opened by me or my superior, and the back was totally pimped out for the perfect whore room, complete with all equipment and other things necessary to be a whore, as well as special hidden and locked compartments with guns, explosive and other stuff like that.

They went into one of the houses on the block that belonged to some strange doctor who took samples of various tissues of the woman to find out what it was that she had that was so different from others that made her the favorite host of this creature thing. Meanwhile I was outside in the back of my truck watching the perimeter of the place when this small group of old ladies rounded the corner and were walking towards the house I was parked in front of. They had a look on their faces that asked what the hell I was doing there. Well, I was wearing a simple stretchy black well form fitting dress with nothing but fishnets under and whore heal boots. The fishnets were control tops with a hole in the crotch cause apparently that was how a whore dressed in my silly dream. Then I realized I was still under cover so I got out of the truck and stood there with a come hither look and started to seduce the old ladies. One said to me that I was the best looking man whore they had ever seen, a real actor. I said "Hey! I'm female. I was born this way, 100% woman, see." And I pulled up my dress to show them. They said, "Oh that's good so what can you do for us? Would you be better than our husbands?" I said "Do you have a $50?" We had a very strange L Word moment. Then the possessed woman came outside and yelled that I am her whore and no one else's. I hit her again and she calmed down. The doctor came out with some sort of ray gun and shot her with it. The black blob thing came out, the husband caught her, I caught the smoky blob in a jar and I woke up.

I thought about what this dream could mean when I woke up then told my hubby about it. He said I watch too much TV because the dream was a mix of L Word, Torchwood, and Family Guy. I thought that was funny and agreed with him. I watch too much TV. Not one of my best nights, I had worse dreams before and after this one.

This Pretty Much Says It All

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/01/13/halp-2/

Torchwood E1 - Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang

I usually don't blog about shows or movies but this one is worth blogging about so what the hell I'll blog it.

Ok first to fill you in on a few basics of the show. Go to this web site link:

http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/262/s2_about.jsp

John Barrowman is the sexiest man alive ever. Until I saw this guy I was all over both Doctor Who's Christopher and David who now tie for second sexiest guy in the world. Then there are more in the list but when we get to the part where we get to see John and James Marsters (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Smallville) I freaked. I was so so into the scene! Two of the most sexy guys on TV were not only kicking each others ass but making out! Wow, what a scene that was! I loved it, that was so hot, I can't wait to see him in future episodes. What adds to it is that both play characters that are not only bi but into good looking aliens as well. It is really disappointing to know that John is not only gay in real life but has been with his partner for over 13 years so won't be free any time soon. I love his attitude on things and he is a pretty funny guy. I am also glad he has no problem whatsoever taking his clothes off. It is almost more than I can bare to see that perfect body of his. I know it is immature of me to think so much on a celeb but with John it is impossible for me not to.

Later on, I'll post a blog with a full list of who I think are the sexiest men in the world if anyone is interested to know. Drop me a massage, tell me what you think of the show.